Saving Dimitri
by backgroundnoiseinlondon
Summary: Takes place in a hybrid world of Vampire Academy & The Mortal Instruments. Creative retelling of events beginning in Spirit Bound. After saving Dimitri, they are on the run from the Moroi & the Clave, who are interested in Rose's unusual abilities. In the midst of the chaos, can they rekindle their relationship or will their rapidly changing world keep it apart?
1. Chapter 1

Outside of the command room, Alex asked me, not for the first time, "Are you sure about this?" taking my hand and putting on my index finger the fairy ring that would allow me to communicate with them telepathically if need be. I hadn't bothered to tell them that I would not be using it, however. I had no intention of calling if this went south.

Taking a deep breath, I nodded. Our plan-my plan, really-was crazy, a suicide mission, at least according to many of the other guardians.

Guardians protected Moroi, the vampires who didn't kill when they fed. It was for this reason that the Shadowhunters held an uneasy alliance with them. The Shadowhunters considered themselves the protectors of the human race, killing off any Downworlder who harmed humans. They worked directly with the Alchemists, who helped cover for them-and us- with humans. Before the Accords, Shadowhunters weren't particularly helpful in defending the Moroi. That's where we came in, the guardians. The guardians are all dhampirs, the product of Moroi and humans-well, that was a long time ago. Now dhampirs were born of Moroi relations with other dhampirs. Since we're much more hardy than the Moroi , we dedicate our lives to protecting them, even now, with the Accords.

Which is why they sanctioned this raid. My best friend, Lissa, had been taken by Dimitri, my Strigoi ex-lover and love of my life. Ordinarily, guardians would call such a Moroi a lost cause. But Lissa was the last Dragomir, and the Queen had taken a special interest in her. It was also for this reason that a few Shadowhunters had been allowed to join us.

The guardians and the Shadowhunters would swell upon the Strigoi in the outer rooms while I made my way to the inner chamber, which our intel had told us was where Dimitri would be. Of course. He would be waiting for me, likely with a few guards. These I could easily dispatch, as well he knew. They were for show. He wanted me there and knew I would come.

In my inner jacket pocket, the stake I meant to use on Dimitri weighed heavily. I had marked it with the rune I saw in my dream, and trusting that it would work, meant to restore Dimitri to his human state. Of course, the older guardians would never have approved of such a plan, which is why they hadn't been told. They would not have believed it was worth the risk and would rather have him killed. Only a few people knew, and Alex was one of them. He was also a Shadowhunter.

He dropped my hand and began pacing around the room, his hands clasped behind his back, Alex said, "Okay. So. Let's go over this again-"

I sighed, aggravated, and raked my hands through my hair in frustration. I knew the plan. It was my damn plan.

Chastised, Alex leaned himself against the wall, looked at me, and added hurriedly, "Just humor me, Rose." Briefly, I felt a tiny twinge of guilt for my reaction as I looked at him. He was clearly wrecked with nerves.

I rehashed most of the plan, stopping after telling him that I would fight my way back to Dimitri.

He tilted his head, eyes boring into me, "Then?" He knew I hated this part. And he was going to make me say it anyway.

Instead of falling into that trap, I feigned ignorance and went for my old standby- a joke. "Then I'll go Buffy on his ass."

Ignoring the joke, Alex pressed on, "You're going to tell Dimitri that you changed your mind, that you want to be turned. That should give you a distraction." I had to give him credit. He didn't flinch as he said this, despite his ongoing flirtations with me.

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the wall across from Alex. "It won't work."

I stared at me, exasperated and all but shouted, "Rose! We agreed on this!" He wasn't wrong. I had agreed to this, but that was only to get the plan moving. I hated inaction and every minute spent arguing was another minute my best friend was bait for a Strigoi. Dimitri. Although I'd stabbed and thought I killed him before, it had just about killed me, physically and emotionally, and I didn't know if I could do it again.

He continued, voice raised, "Remind me again why that is. What happened to him being so adamant about it in Siberia?" I flinched. Few people knew about that , and I hated thinking of it. And he knew it. Which pissed me off.

Instead of voicing any such opinion, I glared at him and said sarcastically, "Well I did almost kill him in Siberia. Maybe he's a little butthurt over that."

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, probably to regain his composure. "If he does agree or doesn't really isn't important. You just want him to let his guard down long enough-"

I pushed off of the wall, irritated. "Dimitri never lets his guard down."

Alex, fed up with my resistance, all but shouted at me, "Then what the hell is your version of this plan, Rose, since you obviously don't like mine?"

I glared at him, trying to practice some self-control. Dimitri would be proud. Dimitri. We didn't have time for this. My eyes left his face and stared the wall. Alex, seeing the change in my face, seemed to calm down, but remained quiet. When my reply came, it was bitter, "I'll try that. He'll probably laugh. Then we'll fight. If I'm lucky, I'll get the opportunity to stake him. If I'm not..." I let my voice trail off.

His brow furrowed and his eyes showed worry. "If things start to go bad, use your ring, and we'll find you."

Rather than argue, I gave a weak, "Yea" in response, my eyes focused on a spot on the wall.


	2. Chapter 2

As the fighting raged on, I pushed my way through it listening to the soft hum in my head telling me where to go and trying not to look for familiar faces around me, least I feel the urge to jump in and help one of my friends. No Strigoi stopped me. I knew they were on orders. Save her for me.

I turned into an empty corridor lined with doors and the voice in my head told me to take the stairs to the left at the end of it. Were it not for my silent rune, my steps would have echoed through the hall-not that it mattered; he was expecting me. The stairway leading down was dark, so I took my witchlight out of my pocket and held it over my head. By its soft glow, I could see that the steps were made of rough stone and seemed to be older than the rest of the building.

You're getting close. The door will be a few feet in front of you.

The staircase spiraled downward until I could see a faint light. When it became enough to see by, I put away the witchlight and slid out my stake. I was almost there. I just had to turn the corner. I stopped, suddenly thankful for the noiseless rune that prevented the guards from sensing my presence, and let out a shaky breath, knowing it was likely I would die down here. In another dank basement. I was reminded of the basement my friends and I had been held in. I was developing a distinct dislike of basements.

Torches lined the short hall at the bottom on the staircase, throwing my own monstrous shadow on the wall, stake in hand. Only two Strigoi were posted at the door and upon recognizing me before I could make it to them, they turned slightly and opened the double doors. It would appear that they were on orders not to kill me and intended to obey for fear of Dimitri. They should have been afraid of me. I dispatched them quickly, as I'm sure Dimitri knew I would. I couldn't afford potential threats nearby. I had to focus on Dimitri.

I stepped over the body of one of the Strigoi and entered the room. Dimitri was sitting in a chair on the far side of the room when I entered, a sure sign of arrogance. He looked up as I entered, red eyes glittering, then stood, quick enough to show that he recognized me as a threat, but slow enough that he appeared confident of my death. "Ah, Roza! I was beginning to wonder if you had forgotten me."

"Not a chance, Comrade," putting as much Rose attitude in the words as I could muster, "Where is Lissa?"

He ignored my question"They didn't send you in here instead of fifty of their best men." He plucked one of the roses from the vase, twirling it in his fingers. Roses, really? Nice touch.

It wasn't a question, but I answered it like one. "No one sent me," I snapped.

He looked up, his eyes boring into me. "Of course. You always do your own thing. It's Infuriating."

Well, here it goes. While I thought of myself as a decent liar, Dimitri had always been able to tell. I tried my best to keep my face neutral. "The guardians wouldn't like 'my own thing'." I started to walk in his direction, hoping that this stupid stunt would at least provide an opening. "I wanted to find you, to join you."

He chuckled, if you could call it that, and stopped twirling the rose. "Roza... this is bad acting, even for you."

"It's not-I'm not-I miss you," I attempted, weakly, but I knew it was no use.

I twisted the ring on my finger slightly. _He didn't buy it. I fucking told you so._

Dimitri's smile ran from his face and it became cold and hard. He crushed the rose in his fist then let the petals fall to the ground, watching them . When he looked back up and his eyes met mine, they were piercing. "This.." he gestured to the air, "All this death is because of you. If you'd let me awaken you...let us be together...well, none of this would have happened. We'd still be in Russia, in each other's arms. Your friends would be safe..."

 _Your friends would be safe. Lissa._ I opened my mouth to respond just as my name rang out from outside. It wasn't Lissa, but I jerked my head toward the sound, then demanded, "Where is Lissa?" practically stomping my way toward him.

In a few swift strides, he came to stand before me, just inches from me. He smiled, a cold and wry smile, roughly grabbed my chin and tipped it up. He stared down at me from his great height and almost hissed, "Not here." The coldness seemed to transfer from his face to my chest.

I twisted the ring on my finger. Lissa's not here. A warning voice sounded in my head, Rose... I ignored it.

"You won't hurt her?" I meant it as a confident assertion of my knowledge, but it came out as more of a question.

He bent down and brushed his lips against my forehead, then whispered in my ear, "That depends on you."

At that point, I figured this was as big a distraction as I was going to get. I jerked my hand from my pocket and pulled out my stake, warm from my body heat, and thrust it at Dimitri. But he was paying more attention than I gave him credit for, and he reached out and grabbed my wrist, twisting it and my arm behind my back. Without missing a beat, I kicked back at him, and his grip loosened just enough for me to spin out of his hold, my stake grazing his chest as I did so, giving me time to stumble backward just as he reached for my neck. I heard shouting and movement from outside. It was closer than the shout had been and I panicked. _If they come in here, they'll kill him. Or he'll kill them._

Dimitri stood a little way away from me, eyes boring into me, no doubt looking for a good opening. An idea came to me. A stupid, reckless idea, but then, that was kind of my specialty. I walked toward him, getting close to a wall. This was a big no-no. Never get trapped with your back against the wall. Except, this was exactly what I had planned to do. I knew what he would do in this situation. It's what I would have done. What he had trained me to do. His movement was almost instantaneous and he seemed to strike like a snake. He grabbed my wrists, pinned me against the wall and made some mention about another lesson of his I hadn't learned. I wasn't listening. My heart was slamming through my chest. My stake was still in my hand. He was too arrogant, too sure of himself to make me drop it.

Hoping his body would respond the way it used to rather than the way he wanted it to, my head shot forward and I kissed him, fiercely. It did more than catch him off guard, which was all I was hoping for. One of his hands released my wrist, and it ran up my neck into my hair. It would be my hair that did the trick. I could have laughed. It would be awkward from this angle, especially with our proximity, but I had already started this disaster and planned on sticking to it. My stake struck him in the chest, but not his heart. He broke away, surprised. I pressed on, pushing him against the wall right where I had been and driving the stake home. I felt a strange tingling sensation move from my hand to my arm.

He stared at me, wide-eyed. Confused? A gasped "Roza" was all he managed before his eyes rolled and he became dead weight. I jerked out the stake and I turned to let his body fall to the floor, then dropped down beside it. Surely I should have seen something, if it had worked. I had surely felt something. Did I imagine it because I wanted it to be true? I didn't know, but my heart had moved to my throat and lodged itself painfully there as I fought the urge to cry. I had stabbed him before, thought I watched him die before, but I hadn't seen his body. Hesitantly, I moved my trembling hand to brush his skin, afraid of what I would feel. _Do bodies feel differently when they've had the life sucked out of them?_ My first instinct when hurt is to use an iratze, but it wouldn't work on him. My mind raced as I tried to think of what I could do, anything I could do. Eyes glassy, I hovered my hand over the wound in his chest-which was no longer there...and heard a gasp, startling me so that I jumped. My head jerked toward the sound. Dimitri's eyes were open. And they were brown.


	3. Chapter 3

His looked terrified, displaced, like he didn't know where he was. Vaguely, I became aware of sounds just outside the room, but I ignored them, refusing to look elsewhere but at the miracle in front of me. His eyes slowly shifted to me and his looked turned from one of fright to one of despair. He lifted himself up slightly, just enough to begin to crawl backward, away from me.

Then the door burst open and we were surrounded by guardians. I didn't check to see who they were. I only stared at Dimitri. Until they swarmed us and began to pry us away from the floor. Terrified when I saw a stake that one of them would kill him in his vulnerable state, I began shouting at them to stop, my voice sounding shrill and foreign to my ears, "NO! Don't! He's not the same person."

They were dragging him away. If he left my sight, surely they would kill him. "He's not a Strigoi!" They were moving too fast, away from me, ignoring me, pulling us in opposite directions. "STOP! Please...Look at his eyes!"

"Rose?" I spared a glance in the direction of the voice-Alex. Alex! He knew. He could tell them!

"Alex! I did it. Tell them what I did. Tell them he's not a Strigoi," I told him, so sure it would work. Instead, I blacked out.

...

When I opened my eyes, it was night.

Sitting up and looking around the room, I was pleased to see that I was at Court. And Lissa was coming in my room.

"Rose!" she exclaimed, rushing over to me when she saw that I was awake.

Excitement and relief flitted through the bond and I suddenly felt guilty that I hadn't found her that night. I told myself that I wouldn't have been able to get away from Dimitri if I had tried, and I had assumed she would be with him. I guess he figured that, too.

"Hey, Liss."

"How are you feeling?" I could tell she had burning questions, but thought it rude to ask. I had just woken up.

"Meh. Kinda groggy, I guess." I decided to start with questions of my own. " Where were you, last night? I thought you'd be with Dimitri, but-"

She shrugged. "I think I was close. I thought I heard your voice."

I looked down at the blanket where my fingers picked at a piece of thread, not wanting to see her face. I knew she wasn't mad at me, but I was mad at myself. "I'm sorry, Liss. I-"

Lissa interrupted me, her voice stern, "Rose, stop. You did what you could, and I'm fine. You're fine." Ah here it comes. I felt that spark of excitement again and she had that look on her face she always had when she was ready for gossip. "Speaking of fine, I heard some of the guardians talking about Dimitri. You did it, didn't you?"

A lump formed in my throat as I pictured Dimitri's still form laying on the ground. Lissa took my silence as a yes.

"Rose!" she exclaimed, grabbing my hands.

I couldn't hold back a smile, but it quickly turned to a frown. "You haven't seen him, then, I guess?"

It was her turn to frown. "No, I-" The door opened, cutting her off as we both looked to see who had entered. Alex. Lissa looked back at me. "I should probably go..check on something. I'll see you!" And she left. And Alex came to stand near the bed.

Alex and I weren't dating, exactly. We flirted, and he hinted at it, but when the conversation came up, I brushed it off, using my upbringing as an excuse, telling him that hooking up with a dhampir would cause him serious problems with the Shadowhunters, though in reality, I just didn't want to date anyone.

He and his friends were the only Shadowhunters I really knew. I had found out about my unusual heritage not long after I got back from Siberia. I had actually unknowingly met my father in Siberia, and though I knew what Shadowhunters looked like and could easily spot one, I hadn't noticed he was one. Maybe it was the outlandish outfits he wore that covered up his scars. He was a disgraced Shadowhunter, so he lived on the fringes of their world. He had been a part of Valentine's Circle, but left after meeting my mother, a dhampir. It was completely unheard of for a Shadowhunter to marry even a human, let alone a "Child of the Night." Nevermind the fact that dhampirs aren't vampires. I guess the fact that we came from them is enough. At any rate, I wasn't exactly pleased to hear about my unusual heritage. I considered myself a guardian, and while we had an alliance with the Shadowhunters, it was an uneasy one, and most of us still didn't like them. It was an old bias ingrained in me that had only began to leave when I met Alex.

"You're awake," he stated, sitting in a chair beside the bed.

"You're observant."

He smiled.

A question suddenly came into my mind, "What happened? How did I end up here?"

"You blacked out. The rune must have been too much. It would have had to be powerful to have done something like that. I've never seen anything like it." There was a strange quality to his voice, one I couldn't place, but it made me uneasy, and I noticed that he didn't look me in the eyes.

I dismissed it, anxious to see if he had any information about Dimitri. "So...speaking of my awesome rune...have you heard anything...?"

He looked up at me. "They're keeping him in observation."

"Observation? What the hell does that mean?"

He flinched slightly at the sudden change in volume of my voice. "Rose...He was a Strigoi just yesterday. No one understands what actually happened-"

"You didn't tell them?" I was incredulous.

"Of course not."

"But-"

"What do you think they would do to you, hmm? Have you thought about that? You're in the spotlight as it is!" He was angry. I could have just ended the conversation right there. But I was also angry.

"I don't care! And it isn't your decision to make!" I threw the covers off of me and swung my legs out, feet hitting the floor.

"Rose.."

"He's in the cells, isn't he?" I spat, walking toward the door, intent on finding something to wear when Alex grabbed my arm, "He'll be fine-"

I jerked my arm from his grasp, eyes piercing, and he just stood there, looking hurt, as he watched me leave the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Once they realized Dimitri was no longer Strigoi, I knew it would only be a matter of time before they questioned me anyway. I was in the room when it happened. Not that I wouldn't have said anything otherwise. I wanted to see him. I needed to see him, so while I wanted to go straight to Alberta and tell her the truth, I was going to put it off until after I saw Dimitri. I didn't know just how long the questioning would take, and I couldn't bear to wait.

I walked briskly to the building where they held the prisoners, my stomach rolling with nausea. I knew exactly where to go; Dimitri and I had visited (or maybe more like interrogated) Victor here. I went straight to the guardian on duty upstairs, told him where I wanted to go, and left all of my belongings there as commanded. Including my stele. I could have used that to break Dimitri out of jail, I thought, but then quickly reprimanded myself. I didn't want him to be a fugitive. A guard patted me down, sent me through a metal detector, then nodded to the two guardians on the other side waiting for me. My heart pounding in my chest and my mind racing, they escorted me to his cell, then stepped back enough to give me some space, but were still close enough to see or hear any threat.

He was sitting on the only piece of furniture there-a bed, turned away from the bars, curled up into a ball. My heart fluttered at the sight of him, and I considered him for a few moments more, mostly to get back the ability to speak. He was so large that seeing him curled up in a ball might have been amusing in a different situation. As it was, it made my chest ache.

 **DIMITRI POV**

I became acutely aware of someone entering the hall, but I didn't turn around, hoping they would walk right past me. I didn't want to see anyone. Instead, I heard the footsteps stop near me and I stopped my slight rocking and froze.

"Dimitri?" my name came like a breath and I began to panic. Oh, I wished it wasn't her. Anyone but her. Maybe if I didn't answer she would go away.

But she was Rose; of course she wouldn't. "Dimitri, it's Rose." Like I wouldn't know her voice anywhere.

I couldn't bear to look at her, so I didn't. "Go away, Rose."

After a moment, she said, "I thought you'd be happy to see me." She sounded almost like she had that day we found Art, her voice tiny and frail with childlike disbelief. I was doing it again. Hurting her. At least this time it was for her own good.

"Please. I can't."

"I know you're hurting. I want to help you...I love you."

I felt her words pulling at me, urging me to turn around. So I did. And I just stared. I had seen her in so many different ways, even with different eyes, but it was still like I was seeing her for the first time. She had her hair down, spilling around her shoulders, and her pretty fingers curled around the bars. I let myself look in her eyes and my breath caught from the intensity of the emotions I saw there. She was an angel, at once both fierce and innocent, and I could see her love and worry for me so so clearly.

She seemed to be thinking the same thing.

I needed to end this.

I averted my eyes and swallowed, composing myself, then told her, "I don't want your help, Rose."

"Dimitri-"

Raw emotion surged through me again. "I can't bear to look at you! Not after all I've done. Not after what I've done..to you. The things I did...they're unforgiveable." I might have continued, if she hadn't cut me off.

She was exasperated and her voice became louder. "You weren't yourself! I would say that I forgive you, but there's nothing to forgive."

"Is that so? You don't know-can't know-what it's like to know the things I've done-to live with the things I've done. I can't sleep for the fear of seeing their faces. Your face. "

"You told me, when I was seeing ghosts, that you wouldn't let me go through it alone. Well, I'm not letting you go through this alone. I love you! And I know you love me too."

I knew then what I had to do. Oh, it would hurt her, but wasn't it worth it? I took a moment to compose my face, to rid it off all emotion, then I replied in the coldest voice I could manage, "You're wrong."

"Wha-"

I cut her off. "Being a Strigoi changed everything, changed me. I don't love you. I can't love you. I can't love anyone." The truth was I didn't know how I felt about her. I didn't know how I felt about anything. I only felt this crushing, consuming guilt.

 **ROSE POV**

His words made my blood cold and my chest hollow, but I couldn't give up. "You just have to give it time. You're in shock. You're upset. You-"

He stared at me in disbelief, eyebrows pinched together. "Upset?" I knew it was a poor choice of words. Sue me. _I_ was upset. The expression disappeared from his face and he looked at me with his composed guardian face and his voice was strangely formal. "Rose, I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you. And I don't know how exactly you did it, but I know you brought me back, and for that I thank you. It's a debt I can never repay. If you ever need anything from me, I will do it. But now the best I can do is to stay away from you."

My hands gripped the bars until my fingers turn white. "Need anything from you? I need _you!"_ I had told myself whenever I saw a sobbing girl begging at her ex's feet that I would _never_ be that girl, that I had too much pride and self-respect. But wasn't that what I was doing? I realized then that it's an entirely different story from the actual people's perspective. I knew that he felt the same. I just needed him to say it. Was that what they all thought?

"It's over between us, Rose. And I need you to leave."

I didn't want to be that girl, but I couldn't let him go. Not after everything we'd been through. Not after everything I'd done for him. A million things to say ran through my head, but none of them sounded right, so I didn't say them. I just stood there and stared-stared at his deep brown eyes that were still warmer with his current disposition than they had ever been as a Strigoi, at his hair that was tied somewhat haphazardly in a ponytail at the base of his neck, strands of it fallen out to frame his face. He was so completely different, so completely Dimitri, that I couldn't believe I had ever confused him with the Strigoi. I ached to hold him, to touch him in any and every way possible. As I stood there, awe-struck and devastated, the two guards who brought me in came up to me to escort me out.


	5. Chapter 5

I spent the rest of the day in a haze, trying to decide if this situation was fixable. I replayed his words over and over. One minute I felt that he wanted me to leave for noble reasons, not because he didn't love me; the next, that he truly couldn't love anyone; and the next, that he just didn't love me anymore. I alternated between being angry, being sad, and being frustrated.

When I was at dinner with Lissa and Christian (I'd been avoiding Alex), I got a message from Alberta. Lissa and Christian knew what I could do, of course, and both of them seemed to be of the opinion that I should just tell the truth, that it would have to come out eventually anyway. I felt the same, so that's what I did.

Alberta knew about my mixed heritage. A few months ago, just after Dimitri was taken, a Strigoi attacked and critically wounded me. They had called my mother to tell her that she might want to pay her respects, that I would die. She wasn't sure, but she guessed that my body could take the runes, so she told Alberta. Just Alberta, who secretly arranged to have a Shadowhunter give me a rune. That Shadowhunter was Alex. Those involved swore they would say nothing. As I've said before, guardians and Shadowhunters didn't have the strongest relationship.

I had expected to be directed to the committee when I walked in the administration building, but instead, they told me Alberta was waiting for me in her office. I hadn't had reason to be in Alberta's office before this year. The first time I had been in her office, she had scolded me and told me to re-enroll in school. She had trained me when I returned and had had a major role in saving my life. She was wise and perceptive, so it was hard to keep secrets from her. Luckily, she turned out to be an essential ally. I couldn't go to her if I needed to break the law, of course, but I could trust her with the knowledge of how Dimitri was saved.

Her office was as spotless as it had been the last two times I had been in it. When I walked in, she stood behind her desk, and Alex sat in a chair on the other side of it. There was an empty chair beside his and I slowly sat down in it, wondering if he had already told her what I did. When she spoke next, I knew that he had.

She waited until I sat down, her gaze following me with that stern, immovable expression, and said "Rose...You could have gotten yourself killed..As it is, this is monumental-not something the Clave can ignore."

"The Clave?" I squeaked.

"Yes. Rose, we received a message from The Clave. They demand that Dimitri be brought to the nearest Institute for observation."

Alex decided to chime in, obviously determining that what happened to Dimitri was of no consequence."Which will lead back to you. They'll want to know how you did it, why you can do it, which will then lead to questions of .are." I didn't care about any of that and ignoring him, flung at Alberta, "What the hell do they think you're doing here? Do you have a plan? Is that why you called me here?"

Alberta shook her head then sat down, weary. "No. I called you here because I am supposed to be questioning you, and I thought you would want to know about Dimitri's transfer. I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do."

Alex said, "We also need to come up with a story. This will come back to you. They will want to question you, too." As if I cared. If it would make them let him go, I would tell them whatever they wanted to hear. I was tired of keeping secrets, always keeping secrets. My relationship with Dimitri. My quest to kill him. Siberia. My parentage. My abilities. Lissa's abilities. Prison break out. Las Vegas. And now, bringing him back. I wanted everything out in the open.

"What am I supposed to tell them? That one minute he was a Strigoi trying to kill me and the next he was a Damphir laying on the floor? They're not going to believe that shit. And if they do, they'll keep him locked up! They'll poke and prod at him until they get their answers, and he's been through enough!" At some point, I had jumped out of my chair.

"Rose! I know you care about him, but-"

Alberta's voice interrupted him, hard. "Stop. The both of you." Chastised, I sat back down. "Rose, I know you want to help Dimitri, but getting yourself into the same situation he's in-behind bars-is not going to help him." She turned her gaze on Alex. "Alex, I know you want to help Rose, but you have to accept that this is her decision to make and it might be the only viable option we've got." She huffed and waved her hand toward the door. "Now. Get out, the both of you. I've got to report to the committee."

I wanted to ask her what she was going to tell them, but thought better of it and just left.

Alex and I walked down the steps and out to the courtyard in silence. My anger at Alex was fizzing and I just felt tired. I stopped, but he kept walking so I reached out and grabbed his arm, "Alex. Wait." He turned around, but didn't say anything, waiting for me to speak. "I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of people lying for me. They'll put Dimitri in the cells of the Silent City. You should have seen him, Alex. He's been through enough, and if I can do something to prevent that, I have to."

His eyes fell to the ground, his face looked pained and his next words were strained, "I know. You want to protect him because you love him, the same reason I want to protect you." His looked up to see my response, and I wasn't sure what he would find there. Shock? Was it all that surprising? I felt queasy, and I had no idea what to say. Did I love him? I liked him, and I liked being around him, but did my chest flutter when I saw him? No, I decided.

He reached for my hand and held it gently, and he watched his fingers move in circles, as if he knew that if he kept looking at my face, he wouldn't be able to say what he felt he needed to say. "I know you don't feel the same. How could you? It was stupid of me to think you could. I told myself that I didn't know how serious you were, but I saw your face at that cave, and I thought it was because he was your mentor, but it was more than that, wasn't it? And you've done so much to save him-"

My blood went cold, and I didn't comprehend anything after "cave." It was one of my worst memories, but that wasn't the only troubling aspect. "The cave? What do you mean you saw my face?" I thought back to that day, thinking of the faces I saw that day. His wasn't one of them.

He dropped my hand. "Rose, I was on that rescue mission. I saw your face when he died..."

I shook my head, confused. "You weren't there. I don't remember you being there. I hadn't even met you yet."

He had an expression on his face that I couldn't decipher. "You probably didn't see me. There was so much confusion."

I nodded, again searching my memories for him. I thought back to when he gave me the rune. I had had a strange sensation of both knowing and not knowing him. There had been something familiar about him, though I was sure I had never met him before.

Failing to recognize my churning emotions, he gave me a weak smile. "Let's catch up with Lissa and Christian." When he turned around, I followed him.

 **Dimitri will be back in the next chapter. Promise :)**


	6. Chapter 6

"Lissa. I may be planning another wild adventure..." I filled her in on my conversation with Alberta and Alex, leaving out my conversation with Alex in the courtyard.

Lissa was standing in front of a mirror putting on makeup as I spoke, glancing at me and making comments at the right times. She was getting ready for a dinner with the royals. I had come over to "advise" her on what the wear, how to wear her hair...the usual best friend duties.

She sighed and turned around. "I've never heard of a guardian being taken to the Silent City."

"I haven't either. But Alex has told me about it. He told me about the Silent Brothers. Liss, they'll use the Silent Brothers to question him; I'm sure of it. They get in your head and play around. Even the Shadowhunters are afraid of them. Dimitri's so...fragile already. He can't go there."

"Ah. And hence the adventure. Rose, the Shadowhunters are dangerous, and they already don't like our people. If we interfere and they find out, all of the guardians at Court wouldn't be able to help us."

"I know."

"Well, what's the plan?"

I smirked.

I hadn't told Lissa about my conversation with Alex, so when she asked me, puzzled, why he wasn't involved, I lied-well, partially. "He's a Shadowhunter. If they suspect he's had a part in this, they'll question him. They'll use the Mortal Sword, and he won't be able to lie." It had just enough truth in it to be convincing. My primary motivation for his exclusion, however, was just a gut feeling. Something about sharing a secret this important with him made uneasy. Of course, if Dimitri turned up missing and I disappeared, it would be obvious who had broken him out. What wouldn't be obvious was where were going- the most important part.

Lissa, Christian, Eddie, and Abe were my only confidants and partners in crime. I didn't even tell Dimitri. I had a feeling he wouldn't approve. He felt so guilty that I knew he'd insist on staying to suffer the consequences of his time as a Strigoi. Convincing him to leave Court was probably going to be the hardest part.

It was good timing, really. It was May Day and most of Court was out and about partaking in the festival. Lissa and Christian were at said festival for several reasons: they were expected to be, Lissa provided a lens through which I could see the excitement, and she could heal any injured Moroi or dhampirs. I lingered near the building with the cells, out of sight, and waited. When I heard the explosions, I jumped into Lissa's head to get a view of the crowd. As expected, it was chaos at Court. People were running in various directions, bumping into one another, and guardians were rushing toward the sight of the blast. A few people had been injured, and Lissa began to head over to help them. I ran around to the back of the building and toward the door Eddie held open.

At the entrance, I asked Eddie, "What does it look like in there?"

"Most of the guardians left. There are a few near the entrance to the cells."

"Awesome. Thanks. Really." Wow, eloquent. Feeling my thanks inadequate, I gave Eddie a brief hug, then pulling back, told him hurriedly, "Now go. You need to be seen by someone...not here."

He shook his head. "Be careful, Rose." Then he ran.

I raced down the hall, thankful that I had the thought to give myself a silence rune; if I hadn't, my footsteps would have echoed across the marble floor. When I reached the end of the hall, I moved to a crawl and peered around the corner, assessing the scene. There were only three guardians, which was good, though that meant I had to take on three at once. Lucky for me, I had the power of runes on my side. I incapacitated them relatively quickly and took the steps down two at a time. I didn't know how much time the explosion had bought me, and I didn't want to waste the time to jump into Lissa's head to find out.

When I got to Dimitri's cell, I saw that he was standing and alert. He might not have heard my footsteps, but I doubted he didn't hear the commotion of the brief fight upstairs. I met his eyes briefly, told him to stand back, then carved out my new Open rune on the cell lock. The bars blew outward and I rushed inside, grabbing his hand. He looked at me, shocked, and I told him I would explain later as I carved the runes that would create a portal into the left wall of his cell.

"Rose-" he began to protest.

The portal opened, shimmering purple. I said only "Trust me," then I pulled him with me through the portal.

Dimitri landed on his back on wet grass, and I landed on him. He groaned slightly and I reluctantly rolled off. He sat up, but otherwise didn't move. I looked him over. It was raining softly, the rain drops darkening the spots on his black shirt where they landed. The ends of his hair had just begun to curl. Expression hard, he moved to stand, taking my hand to help me up as he said, "We should get out the rain."

His posture was stiff and his face stoic and I had a feeling he was upset with me. I wasn't sure where he was going, especially since I brought us here, but in his current state, I didn't want to argue. We were close to the edge of a city park and he walked right out of it, not saying a thing. We came to a crosswalk and so help me, he pressed the Walk button. And waited. When it finally turned, we crossed four lanes of traffic and walked right into a dimly lit restaurant. It was lunch, so it wasn't very crowded, but even still, he asked for a booth in the back.

He didn't say a word to me until after we ordered our drinks. "What...was that?"

"You're going to have to be more specific."

He let out an exasperated breath. "Rose. You know what I mean. I watched you make a portal. I watched you break my cell wide open."

"I actually thought you were going to ask about why I busted you out of your cell."

"I'm sure I already know, but we'll get to that. Answer the question."

Oh boy. Where did I start to explain my crazy parentage? I didn't fully understand it myself. Where did I start to explain everything that had happened to me since Siberia? The waitress brought our drinks, giving me an excuse to stall.

"A few months ago, not long after I got back from Siberia, I left Court with Christian to get Lissa a birthday present. We got back later than we should have, but it wasn't dark until we were outside the school gates. We were attacked." I looked down at my hot chocolate, my hands around it to warm them up. "There were so many of them. We killed most of them. One of them dropped from a tree... or something and bit me. Christian set it on fire. The rest ran when the guardians at the gate came out with backup. I was pretty out of it by that point." I glanced up to see his furrowed brow, then looked back down at my cup. I swirled the spoon in my hot chocolate to have something to do with my hands. "Um..I woke up in the infirmary-you know, my second home,-and heard my mother talking to Alberta. She wasn't certain it would work, but I would die if it didn't. She had a Shadowhunter, Alex, give me a iratze."

"Why didn't Lissa heal you?" he asked softly.

"She wasn't there. At Court, I mean."

"Clearly it worked, but how?"

"According to my mother, my father was a Shadowhunter."

He was surprised. "A guardian and a Shadowhunter?" Then concerned. "Who knows about this?"

"Yea. I know. She asked Alberta not to tell anyone, and as far as I know, no one else knows."

He seemed satisfied with that answer, and we fell to silence for a few short minutes, then he asked, "The Shadowhunter, Alex, I'm guessing he's the one you've been with?"

"What do you mean by been with? And where did you hear that? I haven't seen you since ..."

Ignoring my second question, he clarified, "Are you with him?"

Why the hell did he care? I felt bitterness bubble in my chest, but tried to ignore it. "Dating him? No." Still, my voice came out harsher than I meant it to.

He didn't seem to notice. "But you trust him?" he asked, with an intensity to his voice that I didn't understand.

"Yes," I answered immediately. Did I really trust him, though? I didn't want him to know about any of this. I wasn't sure how I felt about his supposed presence at the cave. I didn't want to say any of that, though. Dimitri had once said that he could always tell when I was lying, but if he could this time, he didn't mention it.

He settled back in his seat, which made me notice that he had been leaning toward me. He studied my face and I studied his, unsure of what I saw there.

The awkward silence was broken by the food we had ordered. He hadn't asked me if I had brought any money, although I had, because he knew I would be prepared. We ate our food mostly in silence, I paid in cash, then we left.


	7. Chapter 7

In an abandoned, smelly alley, I created a portal to Murphy, North Carolina. I could only portal to places I'd been before, and we needed to go somewhere small. I used to have family that lived here and had visited them as a child. They were dead now. Murphy was also close to two other states, so we could be on the Interstate headed elsewhere in no time if need be. We landed in a cave my cousin had showed me. I figured it was safer than landing in the middle of a park.

I got up and started to march right out of there to find a motel, but Dimitri was still sitting on the ground. I didn't notice until he said my name.  
"Rose. We are not going anywhere else until we talk."

I sighed, sat down beside him, and waited for him to continue.

He looked at me from the side. "Why did you bother to break me out of my cell? I was only there as a precaution. They would have figured out eventually that I wasn't Strigoi."

"They weren't going to keep you in Court. The Shadowhunters sent Alberta a command to take you to the Institute. They would probably lock you up in the City of Bones. They'd have the Silent Brothers question you."

"Is that so bad?"

My voice was small and I noticed that I was avoiding eye contact again, and I was playing with a pebble on the floor. "Alex says the Silent Brothers are more powerful than other regular Shadowhunters, that they have the ability to dig inside the mind. They could torture you or drive you insane-"

I felt his hand lightly brush mine, then rest on top of it. I froze. His voice was a breath. "Roza."

My heart skipped a beat at the use of my affectionate nickname. I wondered if he'd known he said it. When I looked over at him, he added softly, "You should not have done this."

Hand still resting on mine, he brushed his fingertips lightly across the back of my hand. It was amazing to me how the slightest touch could register so strongly. I shivered. "I thought about it for awhile. I knew that they would likely think you're guilty of something because you left. But I couldn't take a chance on them torturing you or treating you like some kind of lab experiment."

He pulled his hand away and mine instantly felt colder. "It wasn't your decision to make."

"I know what your decision would have been. You'd except any punishment they had in store for you."

"It's no more than I deserve."

Frustrated and sad at the same time, I pleaded, "Dimitri, _please_ -"

His voice was strained. "Rose. Stop."

Of course I didn't. I wasn't finished. I turned so that I faced him. "Forgive yourself. Move past this. Live the life you've been given."

Instead of responding, he leaned back against the cave wall looking suddenly very tired. And sad. I felt that urge again, to hold him, to touch him in some way, but I didn't think he'd like that, so I did neither of those things.

After a little while of silence, I asked, "You're thinking about leaving, turning yourself in, aren't you?" I knew it was a possibility so I was prepared to track him.

"No."

I made sure to lace my skepticism with snark. "Really?"

He rolled his head to the side to look at me, and he stared for a moment before speaking. "You brought me back. I could lie to the guardians questioning me. But if the Silent Brothers are as good as you say they are, I wouldn't be able to lie to them. _You_ would be the lab experiment. I told you that I would do anything you needed me to do. And I meant it. I owe my life to you." His words stung a little. It was the perfect setup for a moment until he basically said he was motivated by duty.

"So, what now?"

"You broke me out of jail without a plan? Typical, Rose." His response made me smile. It reminded me of simpler times, our training days. He was always the rational one. I was always the one rushing into things.

"Yea, yea, irrational, impulsive, blah blah. Let's go find somewhere to stay the night."

...

After stopping by Wal-Mart (and by that I mean portaling behind the building) for some basic supplies like a change of clothes, I took us to the Murphy Motel. It was small with only the most basic amenities, not even a coffee pot. We paid in cash and stayed in the same room without hesitation. It was safer that way. There was only one bed. Dimitri awkwardly suggested he sleep on the floor, which was tile, not carpet. Strange. I told him that was unnecessary. Having spent a good bit of time on the ground today, we both needed a shower. Dimitri insisted I go first.

I don't know if it was the heat from the shower or just the fact that I was no longer busy, but after I got dressed and stepped out of the bathroom, I felt weak and lightheaded and barely made it to the bed before I blacked out.

"Rose. Rose? Roza." I became dimly aware of Dimitri's soft accented voice. I opened my eyes to see him leaning over me, and he let out a breath he must have been holding, his hand brushing hair from my face. "What happened?"

"I don't know," I breathed, and he moved away from me, sitting up. I tried to sit up with him, but my body was so heavy. I thought back to when I portaled to Wal-Mart and I remembered feeling tired. "Maybe the portals. I don't know how much magic-or whatever this is-I can do at one time. Maybe I've done too much and it's catching up with me. I mean, I've made-what-four portals?"

"Could you call Alex?"

"This isn't normal, being able to do this, even for a Shadowhunter. Only warlocks make portals."

"He's a Shadowhunter. Doesn't he know warlocks?" He was determined.

I didn't answer. He always knew when I was lying, probably always would, so when he looked at me curiously and asked, "What aren't you telling me, Rose?" I told him the simplest form of the truth, "He doesn't know."

"What?" He shook his head, confused.

"Alex. He doesn't know where we are. He wasn't in on the plan."

"Why?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "He's a Shadowhunter."

He frowned, then looked thoughtful, then came to an incorrect conclusion, "He could be questioned with the Mortal Sword. He wouldn't be able to lie. Good thinking."

After several moments, he asked if I was fine, and when I assured him that I was, he took a shower. I laid there thinking of the mess I'd gotten us in. How were we going to get around now that I'd learned I couldn't just make a portal whenever I wanted? I was foolish. How were we going to hide from Shadowhunters? They would have their own people, the guardians, possibly also the Alchemists, looking for us. And were we just going to keep running? What kind of life was that? I had saved Dimitri's life just to give him a shit one, hiding in the world with his ex. And he was patient like always.

DIMITRI POV

I stood under the hot water longer than necessary. I needed a break from Rose. I wasn't sure how I was feeling. My mind flipped through the options and everything that had happened recently went through my mind. Was I worried about her? Did I feel guilty that by helping me she was hurting herself, again? Was she really doing this to help me? She said herself that the Silent Brothers could get any information from me they wanted, information that could be bad for her as well. Rose was different. She wasn't a novice anymore. She was a guardian. But she was also a Shadowhunter. Or was she? She said that no other Shadowhunters could create portals. And there was Alex. Where I had trained her to be a guardian, he would probably train her to be a Shadowhunter. How did I feel about that? Surely she couldn't straddle both worlds, and given the choice, who wouldn't choose to be a Shadowhunter over a guardian? Would she leave and go live in the Institute...with him? Wouldn't that be for the best? Why did I keep touching her? We were going to be sleeping in the same bed. How did I feel about that? I knew how I should feel about all of these things, how I would have felt, but all I felt now was empty. Empty and confused.

When I got out of the shower, put on clothes, and walked into the room, Rose was sleeping on one side of the bed. I climbed into bed beside her and turned off the light. That night, I dreamt of Rose. She wore the same black dress she'd worn the night of Victor's lust charm and she was smiling playfully at me. We were in the maze, outside of Galina's mansion. She started walking away from me, and when she looked over her shoulder at me, I knew she wanted me to follow her. So I did. She ran into a hedge in the maze and the scene turned from there to the snowy hill where we'd made snow angels. She turned around and fell gracefully back in the snow, amidst a slew of mangled corpses and red. She laughed and the ring around her brown eyes was red.

I gasped and shot up on my elbows, shirt drenched in sweat. Rose made a small noise beside me and rolled over, putting her closer to me. I flinched.

I didn't sleep much after that.


	8. Chapter 8

**ROSE POV**

When I woke up the next morning, I rolled over, expecting to see Dimitri, but he was gone. I got up, brushed my teeth, changed clothes, and ran my fingers through my hair. I would forget a hairbrush. I heard the door close and I walked out of the bathroom to see Dimitri.

"Morning, Comrade. Where you been?"

"Getting food," he said, nodding toward the counter where he'd laid a box of donuts and a bottle of water. He was holding a cup of coffee and was wearing...a duster.

I looked at him, incredulous. "A duster? Where did you find that?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You do know where we are?"

I shrugged. "Eh, true."

We lapsed into silence while we ate. He was strangely distant as we discussed our plans for the day. We both agreed that we needed to move. Staying in one place for too long could be risky. But where would we go? We agreed that somewhere with Downworlders would be best, but since we had only rarely seen other Downworlders, that wasn't much help.

I thought for a few minutes, then came up with an idea. "I could call Sydney. She's an Alchemist. They have records on everyone."

He looked skeptical. "An Alchemist?"

"I ran into her in Russia. She helped me get to Baia. I don't know that she would help, but I don't think she would turn us in." He'd flinched when I mentioned Russia, but it was so slight I almost wondered if I'd imagined it.

He reluctantly agreed that we should call her. I hadn't talked to her since I'd been back from Russia, so I had a lot to tell her, but for both the sake of brevity and Dimitri, I only included what was necessary. Dimitri stared into nothing, his face unreadable. She was hesitant to help and said that the best she could do would be to give me the address of a warlock.

When I got off the phone, I started getting ready to leave. Picking up clothes off the floor, I filled Dimitri in on the conversation while he stood and watched me.

"A warlock?"

I glanced at him briefly, then confirmed, "Yes. In Brooklyn," while walking across the room to the bathroom to get my toothbrush and shower stuff. He seemed to take the hint that I was eager to leave and began adding things to the couple of grocery bags sitting on the bed that held our belongings. When it seemed that we were ready, I noticed that I didn't have my steele. I jerked my head around, shifted the blankets, tossed the pillow, and mumbled, "Where the hell did I put my steele?"

I glanced back in his direction, intent on searching the small dresser, though I knew I wouldn't have put it in there, when I saw Dimitri's hand...holding my steele. "Really? I was looking for that."

Dimitri said, "You're not making a portal" and added before I could protest, "I got a car."

I put my hand on my hip and huffed. "It'll take all day to get there!"

"Not a whole day. About 12 hours. Although we're going to take a few detours to avoid higher traffic areas." Of course he knew how long it would take. He had probably even picked the exact route he wanted to take.

"It would take almost no time if I made a portal." And besides that, I wasn't sure I could handle being that close to Dimitri that long. I guess we had been close a lot yesterday, but there was something about the small, entrapped space in a car that seemed different.

"Rose," he warned.

"Ugh. Fine."

We returned the key to the front desk and went to the end of the small parking lot, stopping in front of a silver Honda Civic...that was already unlocked. When I got in the car, I looked at Dimitri and asked in mock surprise, "Comrade Belikov, did you steal this car? From some poor family of four?" Probably.

"You have an interesting set of morals," he observed, backing out of the parking lot. (Yep. Definitely stolen.) Considering I had broken him out of a jail cell yesterday, I could see his point. That didn't mean I agreed with it.

"You couldn't have found something...cooler? I mean, if you're going to steal a car-"

He didn't look at me, staring straight ahead at the road."Honda Civics are extremely common. We want to blend in, not stand out."

When we had settled into the drive, I became very aware of his proximity. His face no longer had the stubble he'd grown while in his cell. He'd finally gotten to shave, and the smell of his aftershave was intoxicating. His brown hair was tied behind his neck and as they often did, pieces of his hair that refused to stay tied had fallen to frame his face. He seemed tense, alert, and his face wore that stoic guardian expression I was so used to. He looked so much like my badass mentor that I could almost imagine we were on one of our past road trips. I actually wanted to hear his lame 80s music, but he didn't turn on the radio. I tried to make small talk, but he didn't seem interested and his responses were brief. Given our little moments yesterday, I had wondered if he felt differently, so I was bitterly disappointed. In an effort to avoid looking at him, I fell into Lissa's mind for the first time since we'd left Court.

Lissa was pacing around her room when a knock sounded at her door. She opened it to a very tired looking Alex and stepped to the side to let him in. He raked his hands through his already messy blond hair. "Have you heard anything from her?"

He had asked her this before, so when she responded, she was weary, and she sat down on the edge of her bed as she said, "No. I'm sorry."

Alex remained standing. "Where was she going? You have that bond. You must know something."

She shook her head, feeling guilty for withholding information. "You know that only works one way."

Alex sounded angry and skeptical, "Okay. She didn't tell you where she was going? What she was doing? That's bullshit."

Now Lissa was mad. "If you're going to be that way, you can leave."

Alex started for the door, swung it open, then turned around to say, "You know they're saying she murdered Queen Tatiana?"

What? Lissa was not surprised. She already knew."She didn't," she said without hesitation. I tried to get an idea of what exactly had happened, what they were saying about me, but those things were too fleeting in her thoughts for me to grasp.

"Yea. Well. If you do talk to her, you might want to tell her that." Then he left.

I had intended to stay in Lissa's head awhile longer to see if I could get some answers, but the car jerked hard to the right and I gasped and was back in the car. I looked over at Dimitri. His face was hard, and though he didn't turn to look at me, he noticed me staring. "We're being followed. They missed the exit I just took, but they won't be far behind. I'm going to park at the mall up the road. When I stop, you get out of the car and you walk. Don't go too slowly, but don't run. You don't want to draw attention. Meet me outside the anchor store at the south end. If I'm not there in 30 minutes, you portal out of the there." He took one hand off the wheel to get my steele out of his pocket and toss it to me. I didn't say anything. Dimitri's voice held the firm resolve of a commanding guardian, and I knew no amount of Rose-logic would work.

So when he put the car in park, I walked right toward a group of people and followed them into the store, heart pounding. I didn't dare turn around, but I glanced from side to side and saw no one. I followed the group right into Old Navy to buy a hat when one of my side glances caught two Shadowhunters. I ducked under the clothes rack, sure that they hadn't seen me, but unsure if there were others. They began to move toward the back of the store, and I started moving to the front, hiding behind clothes whenever possible. Then I started walking briskly down the mall, weaving through people, occasionally ducking into stores. I was afraid to take the time to stand in line or the chance of being seen in the open by a register to buy a hat, so I stole one instead.

When I made it to the end of the mall and out the door, I started looking around for Dimitri. I couldn't see him and tried not to panic. My phone told me I still had five minutes, but I was nervous about standing out in the open. A car with dark tinted windows pulled up to the curb near me and I flinched. Should I move? Would that be too suspicious? I tried instead to keep my head still, praying they wouldn't recognize me when I heard someone hiss my name. I jerked my head up to see the window of that car was rolled part of the way down and Dimitri was sitting in the front seat. I sighed in relief then walked quickly to the door and hopped in.

While I had somehow been lucky not to have to fight my way out of the mall, I noticed that Dimitri hadn't been so lucky. He had blood on his head and a cut on his arm, and although they weren't serious injuries, I looked for something to clean them with and came up with nothing. I longed to use an iratze on him, but knew I couldn't. So, instead of being able to do anything, I said stupidly, "You're injured."

He just glanced at me with his eyebrow up.

When we had went a little ways away and were sure we weren't followed, Dimitri thought it best to ditch that car and find another. We really were leaving a trail of crimes behind us. This car was-surprise-another Honda, this time an off-white Accord. It's windows were tinted a pretty greenish tint. Reaching from my seat to shut the car door, I said, "These poor people. So many people without cars," and shook my head.

On Dimitri's face passed the ghost of a smile.

 **DIMITRI POV**

When she got in the car, relief washed over me. I surveyed her for injuries and was glad to see that she was fine. She had this horrid pink hat on her head and I got an unreasonable urge to take it off, if only just to touch her hair.

I loved that Rose still thought about other people even in the midst of an escape, that it frustrated her not to be able to clean blood off my face though she knew I was fine, that she still found a way to show her concern for me, even if pointing out the obvious was a silly thing to say. What did that mean? Did I just admire that she was a good person? Was that goodness just comforting after being around so many Strigoi? After being Strigoi?

Like I had been earlier, I was acutely aware of her presence. I felt warm and at peace with her beside me.

Then she told me what she'd seen in Lissa's head.

"Dimitri," my name in her voice made my chest light, "I was in Lissa's head...before we stopped at the mall." I had thought so, based on the startled look on her face. "She was talking to Alex. Well, he was asking about me." Ah, the Shadowhunter. I didn't think I liked hearing his name. Did I feel jealous? Was it just a knee jerk reaction to Shadowhunters? "He told her that...well I found out that Queen Tatiana was murdered. And...he said they think I did it." She sounded almost hesitant, like she didn't want to tell me. Did she worry what I would think of her?

"I know you didn't," I told her, trying to console her.

She leaned her head back on the seat and rolled it to the sight to look at me. "I am so screwed." I felt guilty, looking at her; her leaving with me was probably highly suspicious. It was probably because of me that they suspected her. And she was already in trouble for breaking me out. Even when I tried to leave her alone, I was still screwing up her life.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" She sounded offended and I realized that I had taken too long to respond.

"We'll figure it out, Roza."I said softly, my old nickname for her slipping out before I noticed. It was a shit answer, but it was all I could come up with on the spot.


	9. Chapter 9

**ROSE POV**

Several hours later, it was dark and Dimitri suggested we find a place to stay for the night. It was another small motel. We ordered pizza, not wanting to risk being seen in public. While we waited, I insisted that Dimitri shower first since he still had dried blood on his face and arm.

Dimitri hadn't asked for my steele back, and it weighed softly in my right pocket. In my left was my pocket sized, abbreviated, Shadowhunter Codex. With nothing else to do, I pulled it out and opened it, flipping through the pictures of runes to see if any of them might be useful. After some time, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dimitri walk out of the bathroom. He'd just gotten out of the shower and the thought of him made my blood warm, so I didn't turn around.

I didn't have to. "What is that?" he asked, standing near me. I turned toward the sound of his voice to see him toweling his wet hair.

"It's the Shadowhunter Codex."

He casually tossed the towel onto the chair nearby and came to sit beside me on the edge of the bed. "May I see it?" I passed the codex to his hands and he lightly shifted through the pages, like he was afraid they might fall apart. I watched his face and tried to pick out the emotions I saw there, but they were small manifestations and fleeting. "Have you been learning about all of this?" He looked at me and I swam in his warm eyes.

"Yea. I don't know much, but Alex's been teaching me." He had that strange look on his face again, and I tried to think of what could have caused it. Was he upset that Alex was teaching me? Was he upset that I was part Shadowhunter? If either of those things, why? Could he be jealous? Of Alex? Did he think Alex could take his place? Did he feel inadequate? Shadowhunters considered themselves better than the rest of us. I frowned. "What's wrong?"

He hesitated. "Nothing. So much has changed, that's all." What was that supposed to mean?

"What do you mean?"

"We've been through so much. In such a short span of time. I'm different. You're different."

No. "I'm still the same person. You're still the same person." But were we? I desperately wanted to be.

He shook his head sadly and tucked a stray strand of hair from my face, then trailed his hand lightly across my cheek. I sat perfectly still, afraid the slightest movement would break him out of his trance. "You're a Shadowhunter now. You'll be going through a different kind of training. You'll probably move into the Institute-" Why was this a problem? Why was any of this a problem? He should be glad. He'll be rid of me if I moved to the Institute.

My voice was small and strained and I looked directly in his eyes. "I don't want to live in the Institute." I don't want to leave you. What I wanted was my life back.

He closed the codex and sat it on the nightstand beside him. Without noticing it, my breathing slowed as I stared at him in what was a rare view. His shirt was a tank top. I could see so much of his skin, unmarked by runes. His damp hair slightly curled at the ends. I felt myself move toward him just enough so that when he turned back around, we were only a couple of inches apart. His breath caught and he swallowed.

"Roza," he breathed, then reached out and grabbed my arms firmly, holding me out from him. "Don't."

"Dimitri-"

"Don't," he repeated, this time more firmly, his face impassive. Had I imagined his feelings? Everything he did confused me lately, everything he said.

 **DIMITRI POV**

That should have been the end of it, but I'd been afraid it might happen again, so I stood up and told her, "Rose. You've got to let this go." I think I was talking more to myself than her. Wasn't I the one who kept touching her?

She looked hurt. "Let what go?"

I steeled myself for my response. It had to be clear. I couldn't leave her with any doubt. If I did, she wouldn't be able to move on. "This. Us. It's not going to happen."

"Who the hell said it was?" She was angry, but I couldn't say for sure why. Was she mad that I hurt her? Was she mad at the presumption?

"Just so we're clear."

"Crystal, Comrade." she snapped.

We didn't talk after that.

The next morning, when we were packing to leave, someone knocked on the door and I became instantly alert. Rose went to the door, but I pulled her behind me instinctively and looked through the peep hole. It was Alex. Reluctantly, I opened the door.

"Alex!" Rose was shocked to see him, so she hadn't told him where we were. I couldn't tell from her face if it was a good or bad surprise.

"Can we talk?" he asked, looking around her at me. Annoyed, I took the hint and told Rose I was going out to get coffee.

 **ROSE POV**

"What are you doing here?" I wasn't mad, just surprised.

His tone implied that he thought the answer was obvious and he walked toward me as he spoke, coming to stand very close to me. "I wanted to help you, and I can't do much of that if I can't talk to you." I wanted to ask why, but then I guessed I already knew why. He loved me.

So instead I asked, "How did you find me?"

"Tracking spell." He walked away from me and sat on the bed, his eyes staring intensely at me. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to do this? Why didn't you take me with you? I could have helped you."

"I'm going to be in major trouble with the Clave, and if I'd told you, you would be too." It was true. Not the whole truth, but not a lie.

"I don't care."

"I do. I care about you." I just don't trust you.

"I don't understand you, Rose."

I walked over and sat by him. Looking at his blue eyes, I could see him struggling with some emotion, and I wondered if I could grow to love him. What reason did I have not to trust him? That he was a Shadowhunter? So was I. He was attractive. He was nice. And he loved me. Dimitri had hurt me last night, and I wanted that hurt to go away. If he wanted me to move on, I would move on. I leaned toward Alex, not unlike I had done to Dimitri the night before, and he brought his face to mine, brushing his lips against mine, hesitant, unsure. So I leaned into him and kissed him back, desperate. I wasn't sure who it was I was kissing-Alex or Dimitri. His kisses became hungry and I stopped questioning it. Then the door opened and I jerked away.

"Are you ready to-" Dimitri paused and shock passed across his features then went away and his face was blank.

I jumped off the bed and grabbed my bag, not bothering to look back at Alex. The final leg of the drive to Brooklyn was very awkward.

As it turns out, Alex knew Magnus Bane. He contacted him while we were in the car, and he did not seem happy to hear about this. It took quite a bit of persuading before he agreed to meet us at a club called Pandemonium.

"Pandemonium? How fitting." Dimitri more or less mumbled to himself.

"What?"

"Pandemonium is another name for Hell," Alex told me.

I turned around the face him and whatever look I had on my face seemed to amuse him. "We're going to a club named after Hell? Great."

"Eh. It's not that bad. Magnus keeps the place pretty clear of scum-for the most part. And when you do find one...good times." He was in a much better mood than he had been lately. It was refreshing. His stuffy attitude was suffocating. I much preferred his playful side. "Before we go, though, we need to change clothes. You're going to stick out in your Wal-Mart gear." I glared at him.

Alex said it would be easier not to drive into town, and I quickly saw why. There were cars everywhere barely moving and honking incessantly. After Alex helped Dimitri find a place to park, he took the lead to get us to the "El", walking briskly through the throngs of people. Everyone looked like they were in a hurry to get somewhere and they thought nothing of bumping into you. It occurred to me that New York might be a good place to disappear. He had us hop off at Times Square to shop and change clothes and hop back on to Brooklyn. There were so many stops, so many people, so many lights, so many advertisements, the whole place was alive. It was all disorienting for me, having never been to a city this big. I couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Dimitri, being from a small town in Siberia. I kept looking at his face to gauge his reaction, but it remained neutral as usual.

When we finally got in the club, it was loud and dark with flashing lights. Downworlders of all kinds pulsed to the beat of the wordless music, bumping into each other, bumping into me. I would have preferred not to be wearing a dress, in case I had to fight, but Alex said no one wears jeans in those places. I refused to wear heels and settled for black patent boots, a choice I would be very glad for later. Honestly, it seemed the change of clothes was useless. We stuck out to a certain degree anyway both because of Alex's runes, marking him as a Shadowhunter, and Dimitri's...commanding presence.

We entered into a curtained room where a very glittery, flamboyant warlock sat sprawled out on a plush purple couch, one arm on the back of the couch, the ankle of his right leg resting on his left knee. Seeing us, he gestured to the black couch across from him and we sat. Alex made himself comfortable, laying back on the couch. Dimitri and I sat on the edge of the couch, tense and prepared for trouble.

"Shadowhunter, Little Dhampir, Scary Dhampir...what can I do for you?" he asked, looking to us with yellowish eyes slitted like a cat's. I would be "little dhampir," forever underestimated. This was my great escape, and thus far I'd spent more time as a lieutenant than a general.

"We need your help," I said.

"Well, yes, I knew that part," Magnus said, making a tent with his hands.

"We need a safe haven."

"Yes. But why do you think I would provide such a thing, if I could?"

Alex jumped in, "I know you can. What's your price?"

"Let's see. The big one there is the only dhampir to have come back from being Strigoi, and not just any Strigoi. Quite an infamous one, in certain circles." His eyes moved to me. "Your lovely female friend is wanted for the murder of the queen of the Moroi, among other small crimes." Then his eyes shifted back to Alex. "My price, little Shadowhunter? You couldn't afford it."

I don't know why I had thought this would work. I started to get up to leave when a thought occurred to me. "You're a warlock. I'm guessing you'd be interested in how exactly Dimitri was changed back. I'm the one who did it, if you haven't heard. And that's not the only thing I can do. I can do things even you haven't seen before."

Magnus laughed. "Spunky little dhampir. You _are_ interesting." He put both his feet on the floor and leaned forward. "I can keep you hidden, at least temporarily. You do have a plan, I assume, besides hiding? I won't house you forever."

"Of course I have a plan," I lied.

"Where are we going?" Dimitri spoke for the first time.

Magnus turned to Dimitri in surprise. "It speaks. You should do so more often. Your accent is quite charming." He turned to me and added, "How are you resisting that one?"

I was a little embarrassed at the mention of Dimitri and me, and I knew Dimitri was very uncomfortable, so I repeated a version of his question. "Where are you taking us?"

Magnus handed me a card with an address on it. "I won't be seen leaving with you. Meet me there in five hours."

"That's the middle of the night!" I protested.

Magnus raised an eyebrow. Man, could everyone but me do that? "Do you want my help or not?"

Before I could reply, Dimitri said, "We'll be there" and got up to leave.


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, so, alley scene. It's different from the books. I've kept some things, changed others, added others. I hope it's not terribly inadequate. As a disclaimer, some quotes are directly from the book. I don't own them.**

I should have seen it coming.

We were in a big city. It was night. I just had so much on my mind that my typical alertness for Strigoi wasn't what it usually was. We were passing an alley when it grabbed me and dragged me backward...toward a group of Strigoi.

"Rose!" both of my boys yelled, splashing through the puddles in the pavement, rushing after me.

When the Strigoi reached the others, it stopped and I kicked and spun my way out of its grasp. Then the boys were there and we had our weapons drawn. Dimitri and I had our silver stake and Alex had his seraph blade. Dimitri and I fell easily into our old formation. And we fought.

Alex, hell-bent on not letting it get away, chased after it.

Dimitri was slamming his Strigoi's head into the ground, and when I finished off mine, the only other one left in the alley, I rushed to his side and fell to my knees on the pavement.

"Where is he?!" he roared, with fists full of the Strigoi's shirt.

"I'm not-" he started. But Dimitri had no patience. He started shaking him so that the Strigoi's head kept bashing into the cement.

"WHERE IS HE?!" There was blood on the pavement and the Strigoi's eyes were wide and frantic. And he was terrified. I had never seen a Strigoi afraid of anything other than another Strigoi...and that was rare. They were so arrogant, so ruthless... I just stared at the scene in front of me, unsure of what to do. I didn't know who Dimitri was talking about.

"Boston!" he gasped, "He's in Boston-please." Another thing I'd never heard, a Strigoi begging. Dimitri didn't care.

He shoved him to the ground and plunged his stake in the Strigoi's chest. And it screamed, the sound making my blood cold. How long did we have until someone came running? The city was crawling with people. How long did we have until other Strigoi came running? Dimitri stabbed him again and the Strigoi stopped all movement. His eyes held no expression and he had that sickening look of a corpse. And he was bloody, so bloody. Dimitri stabbed him again and I sat frozen in horror for a moment before reacting. "Dimitri! Stop!" I grabbed his arm and shook him, but he didn't even seem to notice. He kept going and going and I kept shaking him and yelling, "Dimitri! He's dead! He's dead! Stop! Please stop!" Dimitri's face was frightening; he was in a blind rage and there was blood all over his hand, blood splattered the arm that shook him. We had to go. We had to leave. We'd been here too long already and I didn't know what to do so I just kept repeating myself. And finally, somehow, he heard me, really heard me. His moments slowed to a stop, the hand holding the stake dropped to his side, and the stake slipped from it, clattering on the ground as he stared at what was left of the Strigoi-a bloody, gory mess. His whole expression changed into one of desperation, then despair.

I tugged gently on his arm, my voice wavering with emotion. Pity? Fear? Both? "It's over. You've done enough."

"It's never enough, Roza," he whispered, still staring at the remains of the Strigoi. The grief in his voice made my chest ache. "It'll never be enough."

 **DIMITRI POV**

"It is for now," she said. She pulled me toward her and I buried my face in her shoulder, in her hair. She wrapped her arms around me and I did the same, clinging desperately to her. I needed this...this contact with someone. I needed her.

"You're the only one." I told her, clinging more tightly to her. "The only one who understands." Who understood me better than Roza? Who understood me at all?

"The only one who saw how I was. I could never explain it to anyone...you're the only one. The only one I can tell this to..." She was the only one who saw me in Siberia, who knew me as Strigoi. No one else could possibly understand...what I had to live with. I had to tell someone, I needed to tell someone, to talk about what I'd done, like a confession.

She pulled back just enough to look at me and told me, "It's okay. It's okay now. I'm here. I'll always be here for you."

"I dream about them, you know. About all the innocents I killed. About you." The words hurt coming out, but at the same time, I felt just a fraction of relief from saying them. I turned my head toward the Strigoi. "I keep thinking...maybe if I destroy enough Strigoi, the nightmares will go away. That I'll be certain I'm not one of them. "

She touched my chin and gently turned my face back to hers. "No. You have to destroy Strigoi because they're evil. Because that's what we do. If you want the nightmares to go away, you have to live. That's the only way." Live? How could I do that? What did that mean? "Do you remember Rhonda's prophecy?"

Of course. I had it memorized. "You will lose what you value most, so treasure it while you can."

"Yes. It means so much, but at its most basic level, it's really just carpe diem. Seize the day. We could have died just now. We didn't. Maybe we'll die tomorrow. I don't know. And that thing you value most? You have it back. Don't let that go."

I stayed silent, thinking about what she said. The thing I value most? What was that? My soul? My honor? Her? Did I have that back? Could I ever have that back?

She continued, "Living is in the details. You've got to appreciate the details. That's the only way to defeat what the Strigoi did to you. The only way to bring back who you really are. Feel the world again. It's beauty. Strigoi don't see that."

In my grim mood, in this grim scene, the thought of beauty seemed impossible, not even as reachable as a dream. My head started to drift towards the Strigoi's corpse again, but she wouldn't let it. "There's nothing beautiful here. Only death."

Her eyes sought mine and she told me, "That's only true if you let them make it true. Find one thing. One thing that's beautiful. Anything. Anything that shows you're not one of them."

As I watched her speak, heard the desperation in her voice, I looked at her. Really looked at her. She was beautiful. So, so beautiful. And I just stared in wonder. Her hair. I'd always loved her hair. So that's what I told her. She seemed confused, so I told her again and I wanted so badly to run my fingers through it. She looked so approachable, and yet I felt I shouldn't touch her. Not in the way I wanted to. But it couldn't hurt just to touch it. My fingers barely brushed the strands by her face, then I asked, "But is it enough?"

"It is for now," she told me, pressing the whisper of a kiss to my forehead, "It is for now." And she stood.

 **ROSE POV**

"Rose! Dimitri!" Alex came jogging toward us from the end of the alley, and I wondered how long he had been there, what he had seen. I hoped it wasn't much. This was something so private, especially for Dimitri. He rarely showed his feelings to anyone, and I couldn't imagine what someone seeing them without his control would do to his pride. I didn't blame him. I was exactly the same. If he saw anything, he had the grace not to say anything.

When he reached us, he looked at us up and down and said, "Well. You can hardly go out in public looking like that. The whole force of the NYPD would bear down on us and then we definitely wouldn't make Magnus' curfew." He, of course, didn't even look like he'd been in a fight. He kept talking, "Rose, I could give a rune to. You, I can't. I guess I'll go back to the car to get your Wal-Mart clothes. Just hang out here and try not to be seen." Then he left, and Dimitri and I were alone again. In an alleyway with dead bodies.

"We need an Alchemist. Wait. No. Nevermind. Shit."

Dimitri considered the problem for a moment, then said, "Our clothes are black. It's dark outside. It'll be hard to see it on our clothes. We could wash our skin off in those puddles, at least somewhat."

"Good idea. Then we can move to a different alley and wait for Alex."

"Dimitri. Who were you asking that Strigoi about?" I was hesitant to bring up what had just happened, but I had to know. If he was going to go off on some vigilante quest, I was going too.

"Nathan." I was startled. It was unexpected and unpleasant news. Nathan was the Strigoi who'd turned Dimitri, who'd tried to kill me in Siberia. "Why did you want to know that?" It was a silly question, but I wanted to hear him answer it anyway.

"I'm going to kill him," he said bluntly. Well, I knew that but I'd hoped he'd elaborate. He didn't and his tone suggested that he was finished with this conversation, so I didn't reply.

...

When we met Magnus at the agreed upon location, he gave us a key and told us that the house was warded against sight. As long as we weren't seen leaving here, no one would know it existed.

He made sure that we had what we needed and conjured a few things we didn't-food, toiletries, and even some clothes. When he left, I went in search of a room while the boys remained in the living room.

 **DIMITRI POV**

While Rose was off wandering the house, I was awkwardly sitting in the living room with Alex. He sat across from me, picking his fingernails with a blade. I took a good look at him. He had short, blond, messy hair, bright blue eyes. His arms and neck were marked with runes, some faded, some scars. His face held a sort of casual arrogance. I thought of Rose kissing him in the hotel. He didn't seem like her type. Though I didn't really know him, I didn't think I liked him.

It occurred to me that I might be able to get information from him that could help Rose, so I talked to him. "How well do you know this Magnus Bane?"

He glanced up and shrugged. "He's helped us out before, but he doesn't like to be on the wrong side of the Clave. But who does?"

That was not a comforting answer. "Do you trust him?"

"As much as I could trust a warlock." Typical elitist Shadowhunter. What did Rose see in him?

"Do you think he could help Rose with her...abilities?"

"I'd thought about that, but I doubt it. Rose is...an anomaly. I've never known anyone like her." I hadn't either, but it had nothing to do with runes or special parentage. The way he'd spoken about her, it was almost as if this peculiarity was the reason he was interested in her. I didn't want to talk to him after that.

When Rose came back into the room, she asked if I wanted to take shifts. We hadn't done this at all during our trip so far, so she must have been feeling insecure about something. Magnus had assured us this was safe, but we didn't know him. And we were just attacked. I agreed, and she insisted that she take the first watch. She stayed in the living room and sent Alex off to bed as well.

 **ROSE POV**

Having nothing better to do, I checked in on Lissa. I hadn't done so in awhile. Being away from Court, Dimitri and I had adopted a human schedule, so she was usually asleep when I was awake.

They were busy digging for answers to clear my name. And to buy themselves some time, they had pushed Lissa into running for Queen, which put all of Court in chaos.

When it was time for me to switch shifts with Dimitri, I went into his room, but couldn't bring myself to wake him up. For the first time since we'd left Court, he seemed to be sleeping well. I decided to stay up a little while longer. I didn't need the sleep like he did.

Alex wandered in the living room. "What are you doing up?"

He shrugged, then plopped down beside me on the couch. "Couldn't sleep. When does your shift end?"

"Technically, an hour ago," I said.

Alex asked, "You not tired?"

I decided to be honest. "Dimitri needs the sleep."

"And you don't?" Was he annoyed?

He probably didn't mean anything by that question, but it still irritated me. "He hasn't been sleeping well."

We sat in silence for a while, watching reruns on TV, until he broke it. "Rose. We should probably talk about what happened, in the hotel."

Oh boy. I was hoping to avoid this. I regretted it, I was upset, and I wasn't sure what to say about it now, so I just said, "Okay."

"What's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?" I knew perfectly well what he meant.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"I wanted to." Not a complete lie. I did, just not for the reasons he would want.

"Ah. Rose, if you want to be with me, tell me. Otherwise, don't do that again." Harsh. I wanted to lash out at him, but I didn't have the right to.

I was saved from having to reply by Dimitri's footsteps in the hall.

"Rose?" When he had my attention, he continued, "You were supposed to wake me up two hours ago."

I pretended to be surprised and shooting up from my seat, said, "Opps. Must have lost track of time."

He considered this a moment, looking at me, then Alex. "You should pay more attention. You're no good on watch if you're asleep." Man. I was really getting it from everyone tonight.

"I'm wide awake, Comrade." I snapped, staring him dead-on.

"Don't call me that."

"Then don't be an asshole," I spat, and walked right past him down the hall.

 **DIMITRI POV**

I should not have snapped at her. I was upset that she was with Alex...again. Couldn't he have just gone to bed? Well, there he goes, walking on back there. I guess I'm not as pleasant to talk to. He'd better not be going toward her room. Once again I found myself questioning my motives. I did not like Alex. I didn't think he was good enough for her. Was that all? I thought of the alley and how desperately I wanted to touch her, touch her hair, how it felt to be in her arms. I just wanted the contact. It could have been anyone, right? Even if I _did_ feel that way toward her, she didn't feel that way about me. She was making out with Alex in the hotel and for all I knew, could have been just now. She didn't "lose track of time," I knew. She had probably just wanted to spend time with him. But what about the alley? The emotions I saw from her face were probably stirred by pity.

It was going to be another long night.


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm sorry it's been so many days since the last ch. I'm still hammering out how I want the story to go.**

 **ROSE POV**

It took me awhile to fall asleep. I had too much to think about, and what I'd told Dimitri wasn't a lie-I was wide awake. He was only part of the reason. I thought about possible reasons for him being an ass. Could he be jealous? Was he trying to reestablish the I-don't-like-you-that-way mentality after the alley? Ugh. To stop myself from thinking about it, I decided to check in on Lissa... again.

Lissa was returning to her room after another round of stressful questioning. The last time they questioned her, it had been to see if she knew where I was, if she had known about the jailbreak-the usual preliminary questioning that turned up nothing. This time she learned more about the actual murder. When she walked in the room, Christian was waiting for her, sitting on her bed in front of the TV. Seeing her, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and walked to meet her.

Hugging her, he asked, "Well...what did they say?"

She sighed, broke away from his arms, and sat down on the bed. "They think it was Rose's stake that killed Tatiana, but they have no record of her going in or out of the building. Plus there's the fact that she left right around the time they found Tatiana." So that's what happened to that thing.

"Eh, that technically doesn't mean anything. I mean, they could have just missed it," then quickly added after seeing Lissa's face, "Not that I think she did it. Just saying...why they wouldn't rule it out." He sat down on the bed beside her.

"They have cameras everywhere, guards everywhere. Nothing was tampered with. I don't think they could have missed anything."

He shrugged. "You think someone who was recorded entering the building could have used her stake? Like to frame her or something?"

"That does seem obvious, but then they started questioning how she helped Dimitri escape. They're sure she did. The bars of his cell were damaged, and there is no record of her leaving the building that time, either." I hadn't really thought that through. The scene we left certainly would make people suspicious, and-another, chilling thought occurred to me-if they had my stake, they could see the rune on it. If they found that, it's highly likely they'd think Alex had some part in this. The guardians didn't fully understand runes, but they knew that they gave the shadowhunters an advantage no other human had. I didn't think they knew all that runes were capable of. But they could easily find out. The thought that I had dragged Alex into this created a ball of guilt in my stomach. Sure, I had avoided telling him what I was about to do, but I should have known my use of runes would make him look suspicious, should have known that he'd follow me anyway.

"So what, they think she can apparate? She's not Harry Potter." Christian was one of the few people who knew some of what I could do, but he didn't fully understand runes either, and , for that matter, creating a portal was not a typical power for a shadowhunter to have.

"They aren't sure who she is. She was the only one in the room when Dimitri turned back into a dhampir. They're speculating that she did that too, but they have no idea how." I wondered if they would find the rune on my stake, if they'd know what is was, if they could make the connection.

For once, Christian tried being the optimistic one. "At least all of this is speculation. They can't actually charge her. They don't have any proof."

Lissa was still doubtful. "It didn't seem like they cared, like they were exploring other options."

"We'll just have to find out who killed her."

Lissa suddenly remembered something. "Did you talk to Mikhail about the log of visitors from May Day?"

Christian shook his head. "He hasn't been able to get to it yet, but he's working on it."

Mikhail. I bounced back from Lissa's memory as a thought came to mind. Knowing for sure that my friends were at Court trying to clear my name made me restless. I wasn't there to do it myself; I'd run away. It occurred to me then that I might be able to do something to help Mikhail. Before Sonya had become Strigoi, Mikhail was involved with her. When she'd turned, he looked for her, intent on killing her, but never found her. What if I could find her? I could restore her like I had Dimitri. It was hard to go to sleep after making that decision. I was ready to act on it. Eventually, though, sleep won and I fell into it.

I woke up the next morning to a knock on my door. Not wanting to get up, I called, "Come in!"

The door opened and Alex walked in. "Oh. Sorry. I hope I didn't wake you."

"You kinda did," I said, then hastily added, "But that's okay."

Still awkwardly standing there, he said, "Uh. Do you want me to-" and motioned to the door.

I rolled my eyes. "Get over here." Then I scooted over so he had room to sit on the edge of my bed.

He still looked nervous, like he was hesitating to say something, and he looked down at his hands. His blond hair was rumpled as ever, and he wore a plain white tee shirt that clung just close enough to him to see the shape of his chest. His bare arms wore scars and fading runes like ornaments. He was nice to look at, and I once again wondered if I should let go of my attachment to Dimitri, if I could. Surely I'd be happier. While I continued staring at him, lost in my thoughts, he started talking.

"I'm sorry...about last night. I didn't mean to be so..." he paused, searching for the right word, "rude. I guess I just need to know where you stand." He didn't have to be more specific. I knew what he meant.

What could I say? What should I say? That I wish I could love him like I love Dimitri? Hell, I didn't even like the thought of feeling differently about Dimitri.

Instead, I said, "I don't know what I want. I still have feelings for him. It's hard not to. But I'm trying move on."

He looked up at me, assessing my face. "That's understandable."

I thought intensely about what to say next. Should I give this thing with Alex a chance? Should I hold out hope on Dimitri? It seemed like I might have made progress in the alley, but maybe he just needed the comfort. He had made it clear how he felt about me. Then I decided. I would be there for him. I could still be his friend.

"I can't guarantee anything," I said carefully, "But if you want to try, I wouldn't say no."

One side of his mouth lifted up in a half smile and he shook his head. I sealed the deal and maybe even surprised him by leaning over to meet his lips.

Recovering himself, he kissed me back softly, then broke away to look at me. Grabbing my hand, he stood up and said, "Come on, little dhampir, we should get some breakfast."

"Little Dhampir?"

"Magnus called you that yesterday. I thought it was catchy."

I shrugged, reminded him I needed to get dressed, and he left to wait for me outside the door.

When I came into the kitchen behind Alex and saw Dimitri sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and a newspaper, I tried to ignore the feeling I always get when I see him and busied myself with waiting for a blueberry bagel to pop out of the toaster. As I sat down at the table, Dimitri glanced up from his paper and said "Good morning."

"Morning, Comrade," I answered, trying to sound like normal Rose. When Alex sat down beside me, Dimitri put his paper down, studying us without expression.

Swallowing a bite of my bagel, I told both of them about what I'd seen from Lissa and my determination to find Sonya Karp.

Alex was the first to offer a solution. "I know a few Downworlders. No Strigoi, obviously, but they could ask around." Dimitri flinched ever so slightly at the mention of Strigoi, then said, "I don't think it's wise to contact people you barely know when we're supposed to be in hiding."

" _You're_ supposed to be in hiding," Alex corrected, "I'm not a fugitive." Actually, he probably was now, and I told him so.

"Well...shit."

Dimitri got up from the table without a word, pulling his phone out of his pocket then went into the living room. I followed him and heard his familiar voice, but it wasn't the warm, comforting one I loved, it was the cold, calculating one of my nightmares. He was speaking in Russian, but since he was playing Strigoi, I could only assume he was talking to a Strigoi. He was trying to find out information about Sonya Karp. His back was still to me when he got off the phone, and he paused for a minute before exhaling, sitting on the couch, and putting his head in his hands. I felt a pang of guilt since this whole endeavor was my idea, then reminded myself that it wasn't for me; it was for Mikhail. Still, it hurt to see him upset, so I walked softly over to him and sat by his side on the couch.

 **DIMITRI POV**

I heard Rose's soft footsteps before I felt the warmth of her beside me.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

I picked my head up but remained bent over, forearms on my knees. "Yes," I lied.

I'm sure she knew I was lying, but she asked anyway, "Are you sure?"

"As okay as I can be." I felt the warmth of her leg that just barely touched mine, and I wanted more of that. Instead of touching her, I settled for looking at her. And immediately regretted it. Flashes of Rose in Siberia came to me and I looked away and stood. The nightmares were much less frequent now, but pretending to be Strigoi had made me revisit them.

"I don't have any information yet, but I will soon," I said, avoiding looking at her. Just as I was leaving the room, I heard her thank me.


	12. Chapter 12

**DIMITRI POV**

Hours later, I sat in the chair in the living room attempting to read a western while Rose and Alex sat close on the loveseat, half watching TV. They weren't exactly all over each other, but I could tell from their body language that my earlier assessment of their relationship had been correct. When I thought about it, I felt sick. That's what I wanted, right? My phone rang and I was grateful for it, even though it meant I would be playing Strigoi...again. I stepped out of the room before I answered it, not wanting Rose to hear my voice. Boris told me the name and location of a Strigoi who would probably know of Karp. After I hung up, I went back in the room to tell Rose and Alex.

"Do you know how many others will be with him? Any demons with him?" Important Strigoi typically hired lesser demons to work for them, mostly as guards.

I shook my head.

Rose asked, "Do you think we can get close enough to tell?"

"I doubt it, so we should prepare for the worst," I told her.

"There can't be so many of them that we couldn't handle it, right?" Rose asked. I didn't like getting into a situation without a plan, without knowing more details, and I wasn't sure how to get those things. I didn't want to let her down, but I also didn't want to lie, so I just said, "One way to find out."

Rose and I had been looking at one another, but we turned toward Alex at the sound of his voice. "There might be another way to find out," he said. When we didn't say anything, he continued, "I know you don't like the idea of including other people in our secret affairs, but I could contact the Institute. They could do recon, and I'm sure Jace and Izzy will want to be there if there's a fight. Alec not so much, but he wouldn't say anything."

Rose was incredulous. "Are you serious?! You're serious."

"Look, they're not like the people at your Institute. They're cool. They know Magnus, and they already know about you." My blood went cold. They knew about Rose?

"What about Rose?" I demanded.

"That she's different, that I gave her the rune that saved her life." Thanks for the reminder. If they knew he had given her a rune, they knew that she was both dhamphir and nephilim.

"You told them about me?" Rose asked.

"I told you, they're cool." He did not seemed bothered by this at all.

His nonchalance pissed me off. "You had no right. Do you know what kind of danger you've put her in? Even if they have no intention of telling, they could easily be made to give up information. You know that."

"Don't you think they'd make good allies? They could help us keep a step ahead of the Clave."

"If they're loyal. If they aren't caught."

Before Alex could respond, Rose said, "Call them. But they aren't coming here. We'll meet them somewhere else," but I could tell from her tone that she was not happy.

Without another word, Alex left the room to make the call.

Rose looked over at me. "I know you don't like this, but we could use the help, and if they already know all about me, meeting them can't do any more damage."

"You're right. I don't. Rose, we don't know these people."

She sighed. "I know, but Alex does. If he says they're fine, I'll trust his judgment."

I could think of quite a few different responses, but I chose not to say any of them and settled for, "Alright."

Alex walked back into the room and told us to get ready, that the shadowhunters would meet us downtown and lead us to the Institute. Rose seemed nervous about this, but likely thought it would be better than being out in the open while we were being hunted.

 **ROSE POV**

Another alley. The three of us stood in awkward silence until three shadowhunters rounded the corner: a blond boy and a dark haired boy and girl. The blond looked smug. I immediately didn't like him. The girl looked excited to be there. The dark haired boy looked like a sour puss. He would probably get along well with Dimitri.

"This is Jace," Alex said pointing to the blond boy. "Isabelle and Alec." Then he introduced Dimitri and I and we headed off. I suppose I could have made a portal, but I didn't feel comfortable doing that for a group of shadowhunters I didn't even know. So instead, we made awkward conversation in the subway. This "we" didn't include Dimitri or Alec, both of which looked very unhappy to be there. Mostly it was Jace talking.

"I've never actually met a guardian," Jace said thoughtfully. " Alex says you're supposed to be some kind of badass." He was looking at Dimitri who regarded him with a stony expression and didn't reply. "He said you were antisocial, too."

"Would you knock it off?" I snapped. " God, you're annoying. Why are you here anyway? Why are you helping us?"

Jace was speechless, finally. Actually, everyone was. Isabelle looked from Jace to Alec expectantly. When neither answered, she did, "I apologize for my brothers. It's the least we can do, after what happened at the Academy." Of course they knew what happened. It was their job to know, and even if they didn't, Alex probably would have told them. Still, it struck me as strange. Why would they care about that? "We're really sorry about that. Anyway, you're back now, right?" she added, looking at Dimitri.

I opened my mouth to answer just as Alex announced that our stop was the next one. I scowled at him. Alex had once told me that shadowhunters didn't say "sorry" for things that weren't their fault, that they didn't express sympathy that way. Vaguely, I recalled Alex insisting that he'd been at the cave that day. I should have let it go, but there was nothing else to do until we got to the Institute, so I told Alex innocently, "So much for shadowhunters not apologizing for things they didn't do. I guess some of you do have manners."

Isabelle glared at Alex who still looked incredibly nervous. An short awkward silence fell but was broken by Jace who rolled his eyes and said, "Oh by the Angel, Alex, just tell her." I looked over at Alex whose face was ashen. When he didn't speak, Jace continued, "We kind of ditched out on grumpy cat over there. We were behind him when we saw the Strigoi rush in."

I could see why Alex looked so terrified. I was going to kick his ass and he knew it. As it was, I didn't want to look at him at the moment so instead I focused my anger on Jace. "Pretty cowardly for a shadowhunter. Isn't it your sworn duty or something?"

"Our sworn duty is to protect humans, not a couple of downworlders who should be able to take care of themselves," he answered coldly.

"Jace!" Isabelle exclaimed, shocked.

"When they're outnumbered? You should know how well that goes, since attacking lone downworlders for fun is kind of your thing," I shot back.

Before Jace could reply, Dimitri made his way between us, forever the voice of reason, and told me forcefully, "Enough." I opened my mouth to at least get in another insult, but before I could get it out, Dimitri added, "Rose. Let it go."

Still fuming, I realized that I had gotten closer to Jace who, annoyingly, did not seem at all bothered as he leaned back lazily on a handrail and Alec hissed in his ear. I put some distance between Dimitri and I, but was too worked up to want to sit down, so I edged myself toward the door. By avoiding looking at the others in our happy little group, my eyes fell on the few passengers on the train car with us-an old lady with a couple of shopping bags, a couple of younger adults probably around Dimitri's age, both glued to their phones. Another man had his eyes closed and head back with earbuds in his ears. No one seem surprised or even like they'd noticed, and I realized that they probably hadn't saw or heard us due to the glamour.

Alex approached me slowly and only got out my name before I said through clenched teeth, "We are not talking about this right now."

The train car came to a stop and the sound system announced the name of our stop.


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry for the short chapter. I'm hella busy but hope to update sooner this time...**

 **ROSE POV**

I had never been to an Institute before. As far as I knew, there were only two in the country-this one and the one in L.A., neither of which were particularly close to the Academy. I couldn't even remember if I'd seen a picture of one. The New York Institute looked like an old gothic cathedral, ornate and imposing. Its two large spires reminded me of stakes. Not for the first time, I marveled at how everything in our world seemed to be so old compared to the human world.

It was much larger than our church at the Academy with massive columns stretching to its high vaulted ceiling. To the side of the columns were the multiple arches leading to long corridors. There was no one in the spotless pews. Our footsteps echoed, and I suddenly felt very small. Dimitri and I hung back from the shadowhunters, letting them lead the way, and I was reminded of the time he had used his day off to help me clean our church (my punishment for "letting" Stan capture Christian). He didn't say anything then, just as he wasn't now, but his presence was comforting all the same. In this crazy new world of shadowhunters and warlocks that had become my life, he was the sole remnant of better days.

 **DIMITRI POV**

Rose was still uncharacteristically quiet, and I could tell from the set of her shoulders that she was still upset. Alex must have taken the hint that she didn't want to talk to him-or the other shadowhunters, for that matter, and volunteered to be the one to find Hodge, their tutor, while we collected weapons and waited for him in the library. Alec went with him.

The weapons room was impressive and unsurprisingly, Jace seemed excited to show it off. The tension in Rose's shoulders relaxed slightly as she ignored him and moved about the room gazing in awe at the various weapons on the walls. She opened her mouth as if to speak and turned to face me when Jace, seemingly exasperated at her inattention, said he had just the thing for me. He walked to the other side of the room and grasped a large axe by the handle, carefully taking it off the rack that held it. Rose laughed outright, and Jace looked at her.

"What?" he asked. She only shook her head and pulled out one of the sliding shelves. After I told Alex that I did not favor axes, I walked over to the opposite side of the shelf Rose had pulled out and admired the various silver weapons. Rose carefully, almost reverently, picked up one of the stakes and studied its intricate markings.

Isabelle walked up to her. "Stuck on stakes?"

Rose looked up. "These are much nicer than the ones I'm used to."

Isabelle shrugged. "Those markings are all runes. They enhance the stake in different ways, but mostly they're just for accuracy."

Rose decided she liked the one she had and put it in her inside jacket pocket, and almost as if an afterthought, also added an ornate silver dagger. After looking at his phone, Jace announced that we needed to leave, and I followed them out.

The library was located in a tower, making it circular, and was two floors high with books only on the first floor. Rose wasn't as interested in this room, and Jace, having noticed that and wanting to impress her, slung one arm around her shoulder, leaned in, and told her, "You should see the second floor."

She gave him a slide glare, slipped away from his arm, motioned forward, and said, "Lead the way."

Unreasonably not wanting Rose to be alone with Jace, I turned to Isabelle and asked as if I were curious, "What's up there?"

She smiled and grabbed my hand, startlingly me. "Come on. I'll show you." Then we followed them up.

On this floor were aisles of glass cases, each one holding some artifact with a little golden plaque beside it to name and describe it. Rose was walking up one of the aisles at the far end, Jace trailing her. I walked down a random aisle, pretending to be interested in the various objects and trying not to be too obvious in watching Rose. Isabelle followed me and I was so distracted that I flinched slightly when she started to speak.

"Damn." She sighed and leaned into the glass case beside her so that her back was to Rose and Jace. I glanced at her. She continued. "Why don't you just talk to her?"

"What?"

"Rose. Hello...You're obviously pinning. And she doesn't seem to notice. She must be blind.

"I am not," I protested.

"Look, Alex-" she began but stopped when she realized I wasn't listening, and followed my gaze to Rose, who was now walking rapidly down the main walkway toward the stairs. Jace followed her, and when Isabelle asked him what he'd done to make her mad, he looked genuinely confused. I told them I'd talk to her then followed her down the stairs.

"Rose," I called, stepping off the bottom stair, feet behind her. She swung around, her brown hair flying over her shoulder, and waited for me to reach her.

Unable to resist the urge to touch her, I put my hands on her shoulders and gazed down at her eyes. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Her eyes searched my face as she decided how to begin. I moved my hand to her back, said "Let's sit down," and guided her to one of the seating areas. We sat side by side on a brown antique couch small enough to be called a loveseat now.

"So. I saw a picture of The Circle up there. I've seen one before but I didn't exactly memorize what they looked like or anything so I didn't know. The man I met in Siberia, the one who kept telling me to go home, well, I found out from my mother that he's my father." She paused, looked down at her hands, then back up at me and continued, "He was in the picture. My father was a member of The Circle."

I reached for her hand and squeezed it. "Roza..."

She turned her body slightly so that she could better see me. "That's not all. There were always people with him-mobster like people. Dimitri, what if The Circle is in Siberia?"

"From what I've heard of him, he doesn't stay in one place for very long. Still, this is big. You need to report this."

"He kept telling me to leave. If he was trying to help me, if he thought that me leaving was that important, maybe he's not with them anymore. If I tell them," she looked across the room where Isabelle and Jace had moved, "The Clave will arrest him, and God knows what else."

While I was thinking of a response, she sighed and added, "My life is such a mess."

I considered this a moment. If I told her it wasn't, I'd be lying. Instead I said, "It's not boring." Her life was hardly ever boring. She smiled and shrugged. "True."

The sound of Isabelle's heels clicked on the floor and she announced, "Sorry to interrupt, but we need to go." The rest of our small group was standing by the door, including Alex and Alec. They had given Hodge a cover story about going to a place called Tacki's.


	14. Chapter 14

We pulled up beside the building in a black SUV that Dimitri hotwired. He had driven, as usual, and was now staring out the driver's side window at the building.

"They know me, so I'll go in first to draw them out." He turned toward me, "The rest of you need to get in position. Be ready for anything. We don't know what's in there."

I didn't like the thought of Dimitri going into a den of demons alone, especially when those Strigoi realized that he was no longer a Strigoi, which probably wouldn't take long.

"I don't like this."

Alex, so help me, looked annoyed. "He'll be fine, Rose. Won't you, Comrade?"

"Don't call me that."

"Dimitri-" I meant to protest, to talk him out of going alone, but he cut me off. "I'll be fine Rose," he said as he got out of the car.

Isabelle and Jace took places on the ground while Alec followed me onto the roof. Alex had tried, but Alec held him back, and after saying a few words I couldn't hear, Alex left to join Isabelle and Jace.

"You shouldn't string him along," Alec hissed at me.

Were we really doing this right now? "Now is not the time or the place to be having this conversation," I said firmly, watching the area by the doors.

He must have agreed because he said nothing else until the doors burst open and Dimitri rushed out, stake shining in the dark, followed by Ravener demons. Alec noked an arrow then let it fly toward one of the demons behind Dimitri. It struck the Ravener perfectly in its back. He noked another, and I looked over the edge of the building, preparing to jump down when I saw another Ravener demon scaling the walls.

"Alec!" I whipped my head around and gestured downward. "They're coming up the walls!"

He peered over the edge of the building and fired another arrow, sending the Ravener to the ground. More of them would be coming, and I did not intend on being trapped up there with them, not to mention I wanted to help Dimitri, despite the fact that three shadowhunters had just flanked him, so I braced myself and jumped, landing in a roll like we'd practiced. Coming out of the roll, I rushed to the group and began hacking away at any demon within arms' reach, thankful that the weapons I had picked out were covered in runes.

"Did you get the info. you needed?" Jace yelled at Dimitri over the shrieking, slimy bodies as I fought my way to them.

"No. I need to go back in."

"You two go ahead. We can handle a couple of Ravener demons."

I followed Dimitri into the building, leaving the shadowhunters to kill the remaining Ravener demons. As the door slammed shut behind us, the noise of the battle faded away and my eyes struggled to adjust to the dim lighting. I grabbed the witchlight from my pocket and held it above me, its white glow casting our shadows on the walls.

"Seems pretty empty in here," I noted.

"That's what I thought, but there must be something here to warrant that many guards."

"I think he knew we were coming. They're for us."

Just as I said it, I reconsidered. Why would the Strigoi Dimitri talked to warn this Strigoi that he was coming? They aren't usually friendly with other Strigoi. Why would the Strigoi run? They were pretty arrogant, and there were a lot of demons here.

As we approached an intersection of hallways, Dimitri turned to me. "We should hurry. We don't know how much time we have. A demon could have reported to its boss. We should split up."

I nodded and took the right hall while he took the left. The building was cold and damp and smelled like mold. The hall seemed to be a never-ending maze of turns. None of the rooms I had been in thus far had yielding anything of interest, and I was resigning myself to turn back when I heard Dimitri shout my name and that he found something. I followed the direction of the voice, occasionally calling to him to be sure I was headed in the right direction. When I had just past one of the rooms I had checked earlier, I heard my name very close behind me and jumped, startled, and whipped my head around.

"Jesus. I didn't even hear you!" I scolded him.

He grinned.

I blew out a breath then, when I thought he wasn't going to say anything, I prompted, "So. What did you find?"

He held out his hand and in it was "An address book? Seriously? Who the hell keeps an address book?"

He shrugged. "We should go," I told him, turning away from him to leave as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. "Wait."

Being so close to him thrilled me, but I felt a sense of urgency to leave before anything else appeared in the dark, dingy place. "Dimitri-" I started, but my words were cut off when he kissed me. My mind let go of its previous thought as I kissed him back hungrily and he put his hands on my hips, pulling me even closer.

But after a moment, I again got the sense of kissing him but not kissing him, similar to yet not quite the same as it had felt when he'd been a Strigoi, and I pried myself away to look at his face. His eyes were the same brown, but the look in them was foreign. He must have noticed a strange look on my face because his hands dropped to his sides and he repeated my words, "We should go," then started to walk around me to leave. I started to reach for my seraph dagger and stopped. I had to be sure.

I asked him, "Will you call Mason when we get back in the car? Let him know what we found?"

"Of course," he replied, not turning to look at me. Then I shoved the blade into his back. Black fluid poured onto my hand and I jerked the blade out, letting the Eidolon demon twitched and crumple in on itself, becoming smaller and smaller until it disappeared. I spared a sickening feeling at having stabbed Dimitri yet again, although, as with the other times, it wasn't him. Then I panicked. Where was he? Where there's one demon, there's usually more. I grabbed the book off the black coated floor and ran in the direction of the exit, thankful for the rune that quieted my steps.

I ran and ran and ran, around every corner, hoping I wasn't getting lost. When I could no longer stand the silence, I yelled for Dimitri, but his voice didn't fill the silence. Wrapping around the next corner, I almost collided with a ravener demon, which hissed and lunged for me as I lept backward. When it was close enough to make contact, it raised up just enough so that I could thrust the seraph blade into its abdomen and when I did it fell on its back, its multiple legs convulsing before becoming still. I called for Dimitri again, and this time I heard the faint sound of my name come from the room just behind the vanishing demon.

I raced into the room whose flickering lights had long since given way to blackness, and I grasped my witchlight. Dimitri was slumped against the wall, breathing heavily, and the floor was covered in black.

I strode across the room to him and tilted my head to see his face. "Are you okay?"

"One of them stung me. On my chest."

"Can you walk?" I asked, not sure what I would do if he couldn't. I could create a portal, but it would mean leaving the others.

He nodded and pushed himself off of the wall. I stayed by his side as we turned down the hall, glancing nervously at him. Ravener venom could easily become deadly, I'd learned from my Codex, and I had no means of helping him at the moment. When we were back in the main hallway, close to the exit, I could hear voices-unfamiliar voices. I froze, listening to assess a threat. I heard what sounded like scolding and the phrase "unsanctioned raid" before deciding it would be best if we doubled back and ducked into a room. Would they come in the building? I didn't want to find out, and Dimitri was looking worse and worse, his face pale and clammy.

"I'm going to make a portal," I told him seconds before I heard the main doors burst open. Holding the address book in one hand and my stele in the other, I hastily drew the runes for a portal, terrified that we wouldn't hear the shadowhunters coming before they got to us. We hadn't encountered any more demons after the last Ravener, but I just then I was hoping there'd be a swarm of them. Something-a demon, I assumed, slammed into the door as I drew the last of the runes and thought of the one place Dimitri might get help. I yanked him through it, leaving behind the stench and the sounds of dying.

The noise of the club slammed into my ears as we fell to the floor in the little side room of Pandemonium where we had met Magnus, startling a couple who were making out on the couch.

"Sorry. Do you know where we could find Magnus Bane?" I asked them, since they were staring.

The woman looked at me like I was crazy as her companion grabbed her hand to lead her out of the room.

"So much for that." I looked over at Dimitri who was still on the floor, though sitting up, leaning back on his elbows.

 **DIMITRI POV**

I had meant to stand and go over to the recently vacated couch, but when I tried to get up, my head swam and the pulsing club music becoming a dull background noise to the static in my head as I strained to keep my eyes open. I heard Rose say something before rushing out of the area. Then I fell backward. My eyes closed and I fell into a dizzying black current and drifted in it.

I heard her voice as through water, and I tried to open my eyes to see her. All I managed was a fluttering at first, and when I finally managed to keep them open, they were still half closed. I heard the soft thud of a door shutting and my eyes scanned the unfamiliar surroundings which were showy and covered in purple and gold. There was an empty chair beside my bed. Rose sat curled up on a purple velvet chair facing a television on low volume. I got the sense that she wasn't paying it much attention. Maybe she was in Lissa's head. If that was the case, I didn't want to bother her. I was still heavy from sleep and there was a dull ache in my chest. I closed my eyes again. I hadn't meant to fall asleep again, but I did, and the next time I heard her voice, it was much closer to me. Her fingertips brushed across my face, gently moving my hair. As I fought to open my eyes, I felt her lips brush against my forehead.

"Roza." My voice was raspy from misuse, but she looked relieved at the sound all the same.

She smiled. "Hey Comrade."


	15. Chapter 15

She paused. "I was afraid you weren't going to wake up."

My hand slid out of the blankets and found hers on my cheek, bringing it down to my side and interlacing our fingers. She traced circles on the back of my hand with her thumb and I just watched her, overwhelmed by my feelings for her. I knew then without a doubt that I loved her, that I couldn't bear to think she might one day soon walk out of my life. And as I looked at her face, awash with relief and the ghost of worry, I also knew that she still had some feelings for me, whatever had started with Alex; I just didn't know how strong those feelings were or if it would be enough. She had said that she forgave me for Siberia, but could she really? And if she truly was with Alex, could I take her from another man? I had done so much wrong, I didn't think I could stomach any more, especially for my own selfish desires. I didn't know what to do with these realizations so I tucked them away for now and let myself enjoy the moment with her, resisting the need to pull her into bed beside me, to bury my face in her hair, to press my lips to hers. We stayed in a comfortable silence like that for a short while until the door opened and we abruptly broke apart.

A familiar voice called out, "I see our unconscious hottie has awoken."

"How long have I been unconscious?" I asked, suddenly wanting to know.

"Three days," Rose answered softly.

"It's all been rather dramatic," Magnus added nonchalantly, striding across the room to stand by Rose. He turned to her. "Have you given him the potion?"

She gasped and turned to the little stand beside her chair. Magnus looked eager. "Oh, I am glad I didn't miss this."

She poured some in a half glass and I grimaced as I sat up enough to drink it, my chest aching. She handed the glass to me and I threw it back. It was disgusting, still, I could see the disappointment on Magnus's face.

Rose looked from me to Magnus and laughed. "Compared to the vodka he's probably used to, I'm sure that's nothing." I actually wasn't much of a drinker. In addition to wanting to stay alert for any danger, as my duty as a guardian required, my father had been a violent alcoholic so I'd seen the effect too much of it could have on a person. Being his son, I had been terrified of being like him, so I stayed away from it and diligently practiced controlling my emotions. Rose had never met my father, but I had the feeling that if she did, she would make the connection. She was perceptive, especially when it came to me. It always amazed me, the things she knew about me.

"Have you had the pleasure of drinking Russian vodka?" Magnus asked Rose, and I was curious to hear her answer.

"Well, I wouldn't call it a pleasure, but yes," she said, "Quite a bit, actually."

I looked at her and raised an eyebrow as Magnus said, "Oh? Do tell."

She looked from me to him, then answered, "I'd really rather not."

Magnus shrugged and turned to leave. As he walked across the room, he added, "There are clothes in that closet, by the way," then left.

I still wanted to know her vodka story. The only person that I'd known she'd been with other than my family was Sydney, and I could not imagine her drinking anything. I also couldn't imagine her drinking "quite a bit" of vodka by herself. I knew she'd used to party with Lissa, but I also knew she'd grown out of that. My curiosity must have shown on my face because she said, as if I'd chided her for it, "It was warranted."

When I didn't say anything, she looked down at her hands and continued, "It was at your funeral...or memorial, I guess." She looked down at her hands. "We took turns telling stories about you." She looked back up at me with a small smile. "Your sister told us about how they made you dress up and marry their dolls."

I laughed softly but the thought of the people I love mourning me hurt. I was glad she didn't say any of this to Magnus.

She changed the subject. "I was in Lissa's head before you woke up. Mikhail saw Tatiana's visitor log. No one had signed in or out anywhere near the time she was murdered...And they saw the rune on my stake. The shadowhunters have Alex, and they said they're going to question him with the Mortal Sword. They'll know everything soon enough."

"Who else could get in and out of a room without being seen?" I asked.

"A witch could probably make herself invisible, but the camera would still see the doors open," she said, but she wasn't finished. I could see her puzzling it out. She added slowly, "But any warlock can create a portal."

She had recently told me that warlocks were the only ones who could create a portal, apart from herself. How could they suspect that she could do that, too, since it was typically unique to warlocks? They might soon find that out from Alex. Instead of mentioning any of that, I asked, "Why would a warlock want her dead?"

"Warlocks perform magic for money all the time. I imagine a task like that would pay quite a lot."

"So the question then becomes...who hired the warlock?" As I asked, I thought of how we could find that out. If we could figure out who the warlock was...Magnus had already helped us-helped me- in so many ways, ways that put himself in danger; I would rather not ask him to help with this, too. But if it might help clear Rose's name...well, there's very little I wouldn't do. I couldn't bear the thought of her living life in a cell for a crime she didn't commit.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, she said, "As soon as you're better, we should leave. I don't want to keep Magnus's life in danger; it's amazing enough that he's helped us so much already." That her words echoed my own thoughts so precisely reminded me of the understanding we had always shared.

"Did you find anything useful at the Strigoi's?" As much as I didn't want to burden Magnus, we needed an idea of where to go.

"I think so," she said, standing up. It was silly, but I felt a loss as she left my side to walk across the room to a small table.

She returned shortly after with a small red book in her hand and I felt at ease again. Holding it up, she told me, "I guess some Strigoi do keep track of one another. Although, an address book is a bit archaic."

"Sonya?" I asked.

"She's in here. No telling how current this is..." She flipped to the right page then handed me the small book. Springfield, Massachusetts. The same state as Nathan. Ever since the Strigoi in the alley told me that Nathan was looking for me, I had been thinking of a way to get to him. It would be easy to get to him from there, but if Rose found out where I was going, she could find me quickly. I didn't want that. This was something I needed to take care of, and I didn't want her to ever have to see him again.

"Okay. Let's go," I said, wincing as I threw the covers off myself, and Rose put her hands on my shoulders to keep me from getting up. "Woah, Ducky. You are not-" She stopped, and when the air hit me, I realized why-I was only wearing boxers. For the moment we were frozen like that, I became acutely aware of the warmth of her hands on my bare skin and the small electric tingle they created. It labored my breathing, and I didn't want to break away from her, but I also didn't want to make this any more awkward. I jerked back, threw the covers back on my lower half, and said thickly, "Sorry."

She jumped up and reminded me-and possibly herself-that Magnus had said there were clothes in the closet for me. She left the room for me to change and I closed my eyes, taking a moment to compose myself before getting dressed and meeting her outside the room.


	16. Chapter 16

**This chapter isn't rated M, so look for it on the next one.  
***Some words/passages belong to the wonderful Richelle Mead**

 **DIMITRI POV**

A bright white light pushed through the room like a gust of wind and Rose was aglow with it. As quickly as the light had come, it shrank in on itself, back to the source-her stake, like it was being pulled into a box. Rose stumbled backward and plopped down on the floor, her face pale. Across from her, Sonya was wailing. I looked from her to Rose, trying to decide who to help first. Although I was reluctant to leave Rose, she had done this before, so after taking a worried glance at her, I rushed toward Sonya. This was a whole new experience for Sonya, and I knew from my experience that it was a terrifying one.

 **ROSE POV**

My head swam and I wanted to lie down, but I couldn't look away from Dimitri. I settled for scooting a few feet to lean against the wall. I could hear his soft reassurances, his empathy at having been through the very same thing. I don't know at what point I stopped listening and fell asleep, but I had the sensation of being lifted and laid on a bed.

"Rose," came his warm voice.

"This seems to happen to us quite a lot," I observed when I opened my eyes to see him standing over me.

He laughed softly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, just tired. How is Sonya?" I asked.

His face clouded somewhat and I knew he was remembering his own transformation. "She's calmed down a bit, but she's not well. That kind of experience-you can't imagine what that's like." He paused and sat on the side of the bed. "When you...did that to me, did it look like that?"

"More or less," I replied.

Looking as if he were deep in thought and in awe, he said, "It was incredible. Something like that...it's a gift. You can't waste it."

"No. You can't," I said, marveling at the change in him since we had fled Court. With every passing moment, Dimitri was pulling himself together, back into the man I loved.

 **DIMITRI POV**

I had been waiting a couple of days to leave. I didn't want to leave Sonya until I thought she was stable enough to be on her own. I also hated the thought of leaving Rose, of lying to her, of her worrying about me. But I couldn't wait for Nathan to come to me, and I wouldn't let him come within miles of her. When the day finally came to leave, I slipped into Rose's room, lamenting that I couldn't tell her goodbye.

 **ROSE POV**

"Where's Dimitri?" I asked Sonya.

She looked at me with sympathy and shook her head, "I don't know. He must have left before I woke up."

I frowned. Maybe he went out to get breakfast. Sonya hadn't needed food as a Strigoi, and although she had been Moroi for close to a week, she still hadn't gone shopping. She hadn't wanted to leave the house, so instead we'd settled for fast food and takeout. But as the hours passed and we hadn't heard from or seen him, I started to think he wasn't coming back. My mind raced through all the possibilities. Maybe he'd given himself up, but he'd swore he wouldn't, and he was doing much better now than he was then. Maybe he did go out to get breakfast and the Clave found him.

"I could pull him into a spirit dream, but he would have to be asleep for me to do it."

"That would be hours from now." I tried to think of other possible ways to find him and came up with nothing. I left the table and went to the spare bedroom where I had slept to sift through my bag. My hands found the Codex and I sat on the bed to look through it, hoping it would offer a solution. A tracking rune. But I needed something of Dimitri's. Dimitri's duster. It had sustained quite a bit of damage from demon acid, so much so that Dimitri was going to leave it behind at Magnus's. I had assumed he'd just forgotten it in our rush to leave and grabbed it on my way out. I'd brought it into the house and left it...somewhere when he told me it was ruined.

Before I could get up to look for it, Sonya slipped into the room. "May I sit down?" she asked.

I gestured for her to do so and she did. "Rose. This is none of my business, but I feel like I owe you, both of you." She paused, her blue eyes studying me. "Auras tell a lot, Rose, and I'm very good at reading them. Much better than your friends probably are. Your personal aura is unique to you, though it fluctuates with your feelings and soul. When people are in love, it shows. Their auras shine. When you're with Dimitri, your aura's like the sun. So is his." She smiled when I simply stared in stunned silence. "You're surprised by this?"

"I...that is, we're over. We used to be together, but after his change, he didn't want me anymore. I moved on. I was with Alex when the Clave took him."

"The shadowhunter boy?" We had filled Sonya in on the happenings and circumstances of our escape.

"Yes.

"Behaviors and feelings rarely line up," she said, sounding very Dimitri Zen-like.

"Okay. Whatever. I've still got feelings. But not him. You didn't see him after he was changed. It was horrible. He was depressed. He said he wanted to avoid me at all costs, that he couldn't love anyone again. It wasn't until recently that he even started acting like his old self."

"He and I talked about that," she said, face serious again. About the depression. I understand it. After being Strigoi...doing what we did...you don't feel worthy of life. There's just guilt and darkness and the crushing memories of that evil." She shuddered.

"You...you've acted differently from him. I mean, you look so sad sometimes, but at others...it's like nothing happened. You're already back to your old self. Mostly. Why the difference in you two?"

"Oh, I've still got the guilt, believe me. After you changed me...Well, I didn't want to leave my house, my bed. I hated myself for what I'd done. I wished I'd been staked to death. Then Dimitri talked to me...He said that the guilt was inevitable. The fact that I can feel it proves I'm not Strigoi. But he told me I can't let that stop me from embracing life again. We've been given second chances, he and I. We can't throw them away. He also said it took him awhile to realize it and he didn't want me to make the same mistakes. He told me to embrace life and its beauty and the people I love before it's too late-even though it'd be difficult. Shaking that Strigoi past...it's like a weight, always pressing on me. He swore he wasn't going to let it control him anymore- which, believe me, sounds noble but is very hard to do- and that he wouldn't let his life be pointless. He'd already lost some things forever but refused to let go of the rest."

He told me to embrace life and its beauty and the people I love before it was too late. I sat in silent thought until she continued, "I think he has helped me recover more quickly than I would have on my own. I'm grateful. And as for you and your auras..." That small smile returned. "Well, you've got to figure it out. I don't believe in soul mates, not exactly. But I do believe in souls being in sync, souls that mirror each other. I see that synchronicity in auras. I can see love too. And I see all of that in his aura and in yours. Only you can choose what to do with that information-if you even believe it."

"No pressure," I muttered, then added, "If you don't mind me getting in your business, I know about you and Mikhail. He looked for you, for a very long time. I asked for his help in changing Dimitri because I knew he could sympathize. When I saw him afterwards, I could see that hope for you in him."

She sighed. She looked as if she were about to leave, but stopped and gave me a piercing look. "One thing to be careful of, Rose. Your auras match, but they aren't identical. Dimitri's is spiked with bits of darkness, leftover from his trauma. That darkness fades a little each day. You carry darkness too-but it's not fading."

I shivered. "Lissa. It's the darkness I'm taking from her, isn't it?"

"Yes. I don't know much about bonds, but what you're doing-even if it's helping her-is very dangerous. Spirit tears us apart, no question, but in some ways...I think we spirit users are built for it a little better. Not that it's always obvious," she added wryly. "But you? And if you take too much, I don't know what'll happen. I'm afraid of it building and building. I'm afraid it's just going to take one spark-one catalyst-to make it explode inside you."

"What happens then?" I whispered.

She shook her head slowly. "I don't know." After a few moments, she stood and before she left the room added, "I know you're going to look for him. Dimitri. Be careful, Rose, wherever that takes you. I'll check up on you in your dreams."

I found the duster on the couch and brought it to my room. I took my stele out of my bag, hesitated, and decided to practice drawing it on paper before I tried it on myself. I'd obviously drawn runes before, but I had never drawn this one, and I wanted to get it right. When I was satisfied that I could draw the rune, I picked up my stele and drew the rune on the back of my left hand, gripping the burnt duster in my right. I closed my eyes as a wave of vertigo hit me and I could see him as if in a dream. He was in a car. He was safe. He had left on his own. I felt a pang in my chest and promptly ignored it, looking for a road sign that might tell me where he was. It was a little like being in Lissa's head, and I wished it would let me know his thoughts like I knew hers. Before I could get a bearing on where he was, he ditched the car and started walking. Beacon Street. It was beautiful, a remnant of colonial times. Brick houses, brick sidewalks, gas lamps. I wanted to keep watching, but I felt a sense of urgency to get started. I'd check up on him again once I reached that place. But first I needed a way to get there. I had never been to Boston so I couldn't portal there. I didn't know how to hotwire a car. Rent one? I searched for places on my phone, but I wasn't old enough to rent one. Even if I could get one, Boston was hours away. Shit. I wondered what would happen if I tried to make a portal anyway. I hadn't been there, but I had seen it through Dimitri's eyes. Did that count? I wasn't a warlock, and I knew no one like me; there was no comprehensive guidebook for all I could do. So I decided to try it. On the crisp white wall of the bedroom I carefully drew the runes to create a portal, decided at the last moment to include a tracking rune. I put everything I had into that rune, closed my eyes so I could see him again, then I let myself fall into the portal. Dimitri always said I rush into situations without thinking. He was so right.


	17. Chapter 17

**Ok. Here it is. I am terribly sorry for the humongous delay in updates. I'm trying to start putting some puzzle pieces together & life here has been crazy busy. This is my longest chapter by far and has a certain special scene...hope this makes up for it :)**

 **DISCLAIMERS: Parts of this chapter are rated MA (to be safe). You'll recognize it when you get to the part, if you wish to avoid it.  
Some words/passages are not original to me. They belong to our lovely author Richelle Mead.**

But I made it anyway, albeit with a bit of a rough landing. I sort of crashed and rolled down-thankfully not a street-an alley. Still, there were people around looking shocked and confused and I cursed under my breath that I hadn't created a glamour. I was still getting used to this rune thing.

"I'm fine," I yelled, holding up my hands, "Nothing to see here." I waited until the onlookers left then leaned against a building and closed my eyes, but nothing I saw helped me find him. I groaned in frustration before I remembered the rune was supposed to help give me a sense of the right direction, too. I looked down both ends of the alley, half expecting to see some kind of magic trail, before a feeling hit me. It was almost a sense of familiarity, like I had been that way before. So I followed it.

It led me to what at first glance appeared to be a dilapidated building, but upon concentration I saw through the glamour what seemed to be a strange hotel, gothic in design, with unusually dark tinted and curtained windows. My feet told me this was it. And as I wave of nausea swept me, I knew they were right. But why would Dimitri sneak off to find a band of Strigoi? What could he have to gain from this? The thought just added to my nausea.

 **DIMITRI POV**

As I stood staring at Nathan, my mind flashed back to the words that brought me here.

 _"You kill me, more will just take my place. You think you can keep her safe? Everyone wants your girl-the Moroi, the Clave, Nathan...I wouldn't mind a piece of that myself."_

 _I was glad in that moment to have a well controlled face. "Nathan?"_

 _"Sure. You didn't think this was random?" He paused, a look of mock concern twisted his features and he said, "Oh, you did." He smiled._

 _And I punched him in the throat._

Rose didn't know about that, of course. Before he died, the Strigoi told me where to find Nathan. I had every intention of settling this without Rose. I didn't want to cause her worry, put her in harm's way, or let Nathan anywhere near her. I didn't want her to have to see him again. Rose could kill him, of that I had no doubt, but seeing him would cause her pain, and anger...anger which was dangerous in a fight, anger which could cause her to make mistakes. So I'd left her without saying goodbye, and I hoped I would make it back to her in one piece.

 **ROSE POV**

Despite its unusual dark windows, the building was stunning. Its impressive height stood imposing on the city. Inside, the ceilings were beautifully vaulted, the double staircase decadent, the walls a rich maroon red. After Siberia, I had started to let go of the notion that all Strigoi live in run down, dreary places. These Strigoi were living in luxury. This was all very Anne Rice. I hadn't actually read any of her books, but Lissa and I got a nice laugh at the humans' obsession with vampires.

I took a minute to mark myself with a silence rune, knowing my footsteps would otherwise echo, and hoped they hadn't heard me enter the building. Pulling out my stake, I advanced up the right side of the grand staircase. The door to one of the rooms toward the end of the hall was ajar, a soft light spilling from it into the darkness. Figuring that was as good a place to start as any, I went into the room.

Tied up in a chair, I saw Alex.

"Alex!" I rushed over to him, instantly feeling guilty, and began to work on the knots that kept him bound. I had known that the Clave had him, what that would probably mean for him, but I'd barely spared him a thought. The other man in my life had occupied most of my thoughts. But if he was supposed to be with the Clave, why the hell was he here, in a building full of Strigoi, far from Idris?

Frustrated with the time it was taking to untie the knots, I opted for my knife and ripped through them. Just after I'd freed Alex's hands, a voice laced with the cold chill I had come to expect from a Strigoi floated into the room and I snapped around at the sound. "Touching."

"What the hell?" Not wanting to let the Strigoi out of my sight, I spoke to Alex behind me without turning around, "I thought you were with the Clave."

Alex was silent. The Strigoi smiled. He said, "Shadowhunters, yes. But not the Clave."

"What-and they just brought you here?" I put as much bravado into the words as I could, but I knew they were true.

"Yes."

At his response, I stood in confused silence. Shadowhunters working with Strigoi? They didn't like Downworlders, despite the Accords, but they hated demons, those without souls.

He continued, "He was to get close to you, to learn what you could do for us. I dare say you are quite extraordinary," he said, his light tone showing no acknowledgment of a threat from me.

Rather than immediately digging for more information, asking important questions like: What did shadowhunters have to do with that? Who is "us"?, and despite knowing better than to take my eyes off the enemy, I turned to face the one behind me. As my glare focused on him, Alex, who had remained stone still and silent throughout, spoke, "Rose..." holding out his hands in a warding gesture like he was trying to sooth a rabid dog. That would have probably been easier. He continued, "Rose. I'm on your side. Why else would they have tied me up? Why else would they have taken me? I had stopped reporting. They were afraid I'd defected, that I had or would have told you about all of this."

I didn't know what to say. The one shadowhunter I had met and even remotely trusted turned out to be a real cowardly son of a bitch. So instead of saying anything, I slapped him across the face so hard it rocked the chair.

The Strigoi's chilly voice had me turn yet again to face him. "The deal was struck before you were even born. Now they've come to collect." He glanced at the door, and my eyes followed his; what I saw made me sick. Nathan. "Nathan, be a good pet. Take her to the south wing. You know the room."

While I had no intention of letting him take me anywhere, I let him grab me regardless, not wanting to have to fight both Strigoi-and potentially Alex once he untied his ankles-at once, knowing that it would be hard to break a Strigoi's hold on my arm. As I let him lead me down the hall, I thought about what the Strigoi had said. _They've come to collect._ Presumably, this "they" to which he was referring was who I was going toward. Why would they have wanted me since before I was born? _He was to get close to you, to learn what you could do._ How did they know I could do anything? How would they have known before I was even born? And if that was the case, why didn't they take me before now? Had they tried? I had been protected by the wards, to be sure, but I wasn't always. I had been two years away from the Academy. _The Academy._ When they attacked the school, were they looking for me?

At once the story somehow became both more confusing and more understandable: behind the door in the south wing stood traitor number two. Abe. Behind him, a purple shimmer on the wall, was a portal.

He ignored me, addressing Nathan. "That will be all."

At first, Nathan didn't move. Then he saw the cold look on Zmey's face and he angrily exited the room.

"Rose, come with me," he commanded, holding out his hand. As more pieces were added to the puzzle, I saw the beginnings of a shocking sight. My mind flashed to the library of the Institute and the information I had learned. _The man I met in Siberia, the one who kept telling me to go home, well, I found out from my mother that he's my father. He was in the picture. My father was a member of The Circle._ I shook my head, refusing to take his hand. Shadowhunters, yes. But not the Clave. My friends, my allies, were quickly becoming enemies. I didn't know who to trust anymore. So I did what I always do. I trusted myself. I moved to the door just behind me, slid through the opening, slammed it shut, and quickly drew a lock rune, buying myself just enough time to race down the hall.

Dimitri was still here. I focused on his location, thankful that the tracking rune was still in effect. Then I paused. If Alex and Abe, two men I trusted, where both here for traitorous reasons, could he be also? _I've known him longer. I do know him, truly know him. He wouldn't. Besides, if he wanted me here, he wouldn't have to force me to come; I would have easily followed him._ Feeling guilty for questioning it, I pressed on to find him just as I heard a stampede of feet gaining ground on me. _Great. I guess I get to fight my way out of here._ Not bad, I supposed. I _was_ itching to beat the shit out of someone. Perhaps it would make me feel better about the situation.

I expected the horde to reach me quickly-Strigoi were so fast-but when I heard the sounds of dying, the screams, the groans, the thuds of bodies on the floor, I wondered for a moment if I was going in the wrong direction. I closed my eyes to focus. No. Dimitri was in the opposite direction. Did we have help?

I saw him before I could dodge him. A cold hand yanked at my wrist, pulling me into a large, empty room, one that likely housed entertainment, or used to. Looking at Nathan-again-I was determined it would see some entertainment once again. No one had taken my weapons from me: a mistake born from arrogance.

Biding some time to access the situation, I told him, "I'm sure you have orders not to kill me. I'm sorry to say I don't have such orders."

He sneered. "It was merely self defense. I'm sure they'll understand."

I had seen what I needed. Although he had no visible injuries, his face was somewhat gaunt, indicating he hadn't been well fed. I supposed his superiors weren't too happy with him already. Killing me would certainly not be in his best interest, and at his current state, it was likely that he couldn't anyway. His words were a bluff. He did, however, have something to prove.

"I doubt that," I said.

He smirked. "Nevertheless, I brought you a gift." He reached into his pocket and tossed a glittering object at my feet. I glanced at it, though not intending to pick it up. That is, until it gave me a feeling of familiarity. I bent down to pick it up, careful to keep my eyes on Nathan.

"It will look stunning on your corpse, no? At any rate, I'm sure Dimitri will be glad to get it back. That's worth quite a bit of money."

My stomach dropped and I felt sick. It was the first necklace Dimitri had given me as a Strigoi. I had been in a hurry to leave Galina's and didn't bother to ensure that I had all of the jewelry I'd been given. I would make him eat it. I would ram it down his throat. A boiling rage I'd felt once before pulsed in me and my mind ran to places it never had before as I thought of what specifically I wanted to do to him before he died for good.

With the distant sounds of a clashing sides in the halls, we fought.

 **DIMITRI POV**

I heard fighting in the ballroom and rushed toward the sound. I flung open the doors, terrified at what I would find. There were no live Strigoi there, only Rose, surrounded by gore and the bodies of dead Strigoi. She was standing over the body of a bloody, dead Strigoi. Just standing. It reminded me oddly of the first time she'd killed a Strigoi, when she stood over the body of her dead friend. But the Strigoi was not her friend. This was a different kind of grief.

"Rose?" I called to her gently, inching toward her.

She didn't turn around and I kept walking until I reached her.

I touched her arm. "Rose?"

She was still transfixed on the body beneath her, and I finally looked to see whose it was-Nathan-the Strigoi who had turned me, then abruptly turned my head in repulsion at the mangled body after seeing the bubbling gash in the center of his throat. Her hair was framing her face, so I couldn't quite see it, but I could tell by the movement of her chest that her breathing was uneven.

"Rose?" I prompted again.

When she finally turned around, her wild, glassy eyes didn't meet mine. I saw an object glitter in her hand.

"What's in your hand, Roza?"

She didn't respond, but held up her hand and opened it, staring at the object in it. It was the first necklace I had bought her as a Strigoi. It had been one of the few she hadn't taken to pawn. I wondered how Nathan had gotten it.

I grabbed the necklace from her hand, slung it at Nathan, and pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her and resting my face in her hair. Her body wracked with sobs and all that guilt I had been feeling came over me like a wave, suffocating me. I had never seen her upset over what had happened in Siberia. She always insisted that she forgave me. Maybe she did. But even still, it caused her pain. Still, I knew that if I walked away to "protect her" or whatever other lie I told myself, she wouldn't feel better. She'd probably feel worse. She needed someone, and I was the only one here. So instead, I just held onto her tightly, her face buried in my chest.

"I'm so sorry, Roza."

She looked up at me then, studying me. She wiped her eyes then leaned back into me. When she spoke it was barely a whisper. "I should be glad he's dead. But it doesn't change anything. My life is a mess. If it wasn't for him, none of this, any of this, would have happened. And this is just the beginning."

The beginning of what I didn't ask. My head started spinning. The room had shrunk to just us and that dead bastard on the floor. I didn't know what to say, didn't know what she'd want to hear, so I stayed quiet and stroked her hair, her arm, her face.

The next time she spoke, her voice was composed and her face was dry. "I guess we should probably go now, before others come."

"I think they're mostly gone," I assured her, "Abe got reinforcements."

For reasons unknown to me, she stiffened at the mention of his name.

Rose was exhausted so I wouldn't let her make a portal. So we took another stolen car. Abe arranged for us to stay in an old farmhouse in the small town of Tabor City just across a dirt road from the state line. Since I explained that Abe was responsible for the help we received and thus the reason we were able to leave the cathedral, Rose put just enough trust in him to allow it, but from the look she gave Abe, I expected them to have a very unpleasant conversation. They didn't, and Abe left us with the explanation that he had "some things to take care of". At that, we headed south, following handwritten directions. We hadn't said much to one another throughout the trip. I think we were both caught up in our thoughts. Mine were guilt ridden. While the silences between Rose and I were usually comfortable and easy, this one was pregnant with tension. I was trying to give Rose some space. She was uncharacteristically quiet and her head was up against the window, her eyes far away.

The total drive time was about 13 hours. Pressured by exhaustion, we stopped after only an hour, opting to rest and set out again in the sunlight, and settled into a chain hotel where I paid with cash. Usually, I would find a motel-somewhere cheaper-not that this was expensive, but Rose still seemed withdrawn and exhausted, and I didn't have the heart to take her to a motel where you can feel the springs through the mattress, where the air smells like smoke. For the same reasons, I insisted she shower first.

With the faint sound of running water in the background, I thought about her. Dealing with Nathan would have been trying, I'm sure, but it alone didn't seem enough to make her so upset. I recalled the necklace he had given her and wondered what words he used to accompany them. Then there was her cold behavior toward Abe. And there was me. The events of the day had surely made her recall her time in Siberia. They had for me. Did she see me now as the man who loves her or the monster who tried to kill her? _You told her you didn't love her._ _She probably feels alone._

She came out of the bathroom in the sweatpants and tank top she had bought on one of our stops. Her other clothes, as were mine, were splattered and streaked with blood. Even in those simple clothes and her wet hair messy from a towel, she was beautiful. I let my eyes dance across her briefly, then I showered.

Though not bad enough to warrant serious medical attention, the cut underneath my collarbone by my shoulder was worse than I had thought. I did my best to clean it gently, then the thought came to mind that I would have to be shirtless to bandage it and our medical supplies were in the other room. It wasn't a big deal, not really, but I felt a ridiculous warmth at the thought of her eyes glancing over my chest, the thought that she would probably insist on helping me bandage it.

I was disappointed when she didn't. It was in an awkward spot, but I could have managed to wrap it. I didn't have to. She watched me struggle with it and offered a small smile as she pulled a chair up to the edge of the bed where I sat.

"Let me see it," she ordered, holding out her hand for the wrapping.

I didn't want to press her to talk about Nathan or Abe, but I also didn't want her to think I wasn't concerned. Not bearing to make that connection between Nathan and I again, I opted for asking about the later. It was also the more important matter.

"Rose, did something happen between you and Abe?" I asked tentatively.

She didn't bother to ask what I meant. She looked up at me briefly and "I don't trust him," was all she said.

I let my face ask her the question, and she answered, "The Strigoi that I guess was the leader told Nathan to take me to..Zmey. Zmey dismissed Nathan and told me to step through a portal with him, a portal I don't even know how he made." Her impersonal use of Zmey was not lost on me.

"He did bring help," I offered, not wanting her to unnecessarily feel let down by the man she'd only recently come to know as her father.

Having finished applying ointment, she unraveled the bandaging and lifted my arm to wrap it around my shoulder. "That's the only reason I agreed to go to the nowhere he's sending us."

"I'm sure he'll explain when he gets back," I said lamely, to which she didn't respond.

"There," she said, her hand lingering on my chest longer than necessary. I brought my hand up to her wrist, unsure if I was going to pull her to me or push her away. My breathing was slow and heavy. Her eyes caught mine and I saw that she was feeling the same thing I was feeling, and she was trying to decide if she should act on it, considering the last time we had been so close, I had reminded her that I didn't want her. But I did want her and I desperately needed her to know that. She seemed to pull herself out of a daze and abruptly stood up, having obviously decided how I felt, and walked across the room to throw the wrappings away.

As it turned out, I didn't have to ask about Nathan.

She sat in the chair she'd moved back to its spot by the window. Looking out of it, she said softly, "I lost it."

Rather than make an assumption, I simply offered a "hmm?" to encourage her to elaborate.

She turned to face me. "With Nathan. Sonya was right. She said there was a darkness in my aura, that all I needed was a spark. It was like that time with Lissa, only there was no one to hold me back." _I wasn't there to hold her back._ "I was a savage. And what's worse is all the things I _wanted_ to do."

"It wasn't your fault," I tried to assure her, despite the chill her words gave me. "Spirit's a powerful magic we barely understand. And its dark edge...well, we know it's capable of terrible things. Things that can't be controlled."

"I should have been stronger than it. I was weak."

What could I say to that? I knew exactly how she felt. "You aren't invincible. No one expects you to be."

"I do. What I did...It doesn't matter that it was a Strigoi, that it was Nathan. What I did was unforgiveable."

My eyes widened in shock. "That...that's crazy, Rose. You can't punish yourself for something you had no power over."

"Yeah? Then why are you still-" she stopped, but I knew what she was going to say. _Then why are you still punishing yourself?_ Was I? I thought about the crushing guilt when I saw her in the cathedral, my inability to tell her I love her. But it wasn't the same. What she had done had been to a Strigoi. At least in some way he deserved it. And he was going to kill her. The people I had killed were innocent, had done nothing to me.

She seemed to decide that I had let it go. "When," she asked. "When did it change? When did you realize you could keep living-even after all that guilt?"

I thought about my life over the past few weeks. I couldn't think of an exact moment, only smaller pieces of a puzzle. "I'm not sure. In bits, really. You heard me talk about this before. About my goal to appreciate life's little details. And the more we continued our journey, the more I remembered who I was. Not just a fighter. Fighting is easy. It's why we fight that matters, and in the alley that night with Donovan..." I shuddered, thinking of the eerily similar brutality I had done. "That was the moment I could have crossed over into someone who fights just to senselessly kill-but you pulled me back, Rose. That was the turning point. You saved me...just as you did before. I knew then that in order to leave the Strigoi part of me behind, I had to fight through to be what they aren't . I had to embrace what they reject: beauty, love, honor." _Love._

She looked at me with a mixture of relief and sadness.

"Then you should understand," she said bitterly. " _I'm_ becoming someone who fights just to kill. What I did...I _liked_ it. I bet I would have made a good Strigoi. I'm-"

"Rose, stop." I cut her off, unable to bear her compare herself to me-to what I was, unwilling to think about what I had almost done to her. "If you knew the things I've done, the people I'd killed-innocent people, not Strigoi."

Rose was becoming hysterical. "It's not the same! You couldn't help it!"

My patience was cracking. " _You_ couldn't help it either. Feel guilty. Mourn this. But move on. Don't let it destroy you. Forgive yourself." I felt desperate. I didn't know how to make her understand.

Suddenly, she sprung to her feet and made her way toward me, incredulous. "Forgive myself? That's what you want? _You_ of all people?"

 _You of all people._ Her words echoed in my head. Unable to form a response, I simply nodded.

"Then tell me this. You say you moved past the guilt, decided to revel in life and all that. I get it. But have you, in your heart, really forgiven yourself? I told you a long time ago I forgave you for everything in Siberia, but what about you? Have you done it?"

What? I had just told her that I realized that I needed to move on with my life. I told her as much.

"No. It's not the same. You're telling me to forgive myself and move on. But you won't do it yourself. You're a hypocrite, comrade. Either we're both guilty or we're both innocent. Pick." That damn nickname. Though it hadn't started out that way, it had become almost a term of endearment. I hated to hear her sling it around as an insult.

I waited a few moments and took a breath which ended in a frustrated puff of air. "It's not the same. It's not that simple."

"It is that simple! We're the same! Even Sonya says we are. We've always been the same, and we're both acting the same stupid way now. We hold ourselves up to a higher standard than everyone else."

What she said after Sonya I'd barely heard. My eyebrows knitted in confusion. "Sonya? What does she have to do with any of this?"

"She said our auras match. She said we light up around each other. She says it means you still love me, and that we're in sync, and..." She trailed off and then, as if immediately regretting her words, she looked away and added, "I don't know. I shouldn't have mentioned it. It's stupid. I'm not even sure I buy into this aura stuff. Poor woman's just started using Spirit again and is already half insane."

"I've got to give her some credit, though. She was right about me..." Did she mean about her aura? That she loves me? She clarified, "you know, repressed anger and all that, that I was at a breaking point. Who knows, maybe that outburst in the parking lot let out some of that darkness she says is in my aura."

She didn't believe Sonya. I couldn't blame her, after everything I'd told her. But wasn't it obvious, that I love her? I had been so confused myself. I think she had known, or suspected, how I felt before I had recognized and accepted it. My rebounding behavior and insistence that I didn't love her must have made her doubt herself. But I was ready now to admit it, and I needed her to know before I lost her. "She was right about something else, too."

"What's that?" she said, eyes meeting mine.

"That I do still love you."

At first, seeing the shocked look on her face, I wasn't sure I'd made the right decision. Did she not feel the same? "Since...since when?" she managed. She was just in disbelief.

I couldn't say for sure the moment I realized how I felt, just as I couldn't say for sure the moment I'd realized before becoming Strigoi. She snuck up on me. Falling in love with her was as easy as talking to her. There was no exact moment. It happened so gradually and felt so natural that it was as if I'd loved her my whole life."Since...forever. I denied it at first, when you brought me back. I didn't feel anything for awhile but grief, pain, guilt, over what I'd done. I especially felt guilty about you, and it made it hard to be around you. I thought it was best for both of us if I stayed away from you. I don't know the exact moment that changed. It was in increments, really, but that night in the alley, that was a turning point. I looked at you and I saw your hope, your love, your goodness. That's what makes you beautiful. So, so beautiful."

"So it wasn't my hair?" She was trying to avoid the intensity of the conversation. I smiled at the familiarity of her habit of joking in such moments.

"It wasn't just your hair, it was you, all of you." My next words I hadn't meant to say, though I meant every word. "You're the most amazing woman I've ever met, and I'm glad to have had your love in my life. I regret losing it." The words just kept coming. "I would give anything-anything to change history, to go back in time and run into your arms when you saved me. To have a life with you." Telling her that was both a terror and a relief.

"Why can't you?"

I thought of Alex and though whatever relationship they were forming was still new, it was there, and she deserved it. "Because you've moved on," and I added quickly to silence her protests, "and you were right to do that, after everything I've done to you."

"You think I've moved on?" she said, incredulous.

"You've had this thing...with Alex. And your life is so different now. Like I said before, once all this is cleared up, you'll probably go to live at the Institute." I was just an unnecessary complication, an inconvenient remnant.

"And like I said before, I don't want to live at the Institute. I'm not a Shadowhunter. I'm a guardian. And Alex? That was a sad attempt at a rebound. And he was a traitorous bastard-I'll tell you about later." She paused, holding the breath she had just taken before continuing, "Dimitri, I love you. I've always loved you. I've never stopped loving you. You have to know that."

My breath caught in my chest and now it was my turn to be shocked. Then I immediately started replaying the events of the past few days and I felt so blind. I had wondered how she could doubt my feelings-but how could I have doubted hers? Before I'd realized it, we were standing so close. I reached out to her and pulled her to me, closing the distance between us, placing one hand on her hip and the other wrapped up in her hair, and I kissed her, pinning her between myself and the wall. Her hands grasped at the sides of my face, holding me close. And I realized that this was what I'd been missing, that piece of me that still hadn't quite come back. There it was. Rose was a part of me, and not just my body but my soul cried out for her. As I pressed my hips into hers, clutching her waist to press her against me, a small moan escaped her lips and my chest rose and fell heavily at the sound. I was intoxicated by the smell of her hair, the heat of her skin, the feel of her tongue dancing with mine. I needed her more than air.

Unwilling to wait any longer to see all of her, to feel all of her, I spun her around, lifted her up, and placed her gently on the bed, following her to kiss her again. And her name was in my mouth and I couldn't stop saying it, "Roza...Roza..." as my lips trailed down her neck, down her shoulder, as I brushed off the strap of her dress. My hand slid up her leg, pulling up her dress and she arched her back for me to pull it off. I splayed my hand on her back and placed slow, deep kisses on the exposed part of breasts. Her hands were in my hair.

As she leaned forward to sit up, I followed her so that we were both on our knees kissing. Her hands slid up my shirt to feel my chest, making my skin tingle, before pushing off my shirt. I unclasped her bra and laid back on the bed, pulling her back down onto the bed with me so that she hovered a little above me. I took a minute to admire her while my hands ran across her soft skin. Her pupils were enlarged, making her eyes darker than usual, and her hair cascaded around us in waves.

She sat up, straddling me, and struggled with my belt before getting it off. I reached my hands down to take the task of unbuttoning my jeans away from her, unable to wait. When they were off, I pulled her down on me, groaning at the feel of her breasts and the sheer amount of her hot skin on mine. God I had missed this. I had missed her. As badly as I wanted to be inside her, I loved her and I wanted to show her.

I rolled her over so that I now hovered over her, and I trailed kisses down her body. My hand was sliding up her side, tracing the edge of her breast then pushing it toward my mouth. As I sucked lightly on her nipple, rubbing the other between two fingers, she moaned my name and it set me on fire. My need for her was so strong it ached, but I continued moving down her body, stopping to press kisses into her hips before continuing to her inner thighs. Her panting was punctuated with soft moans, some of them my name, which became louder as I stroked her with my tongue, sliding a finger inside her at the same time. Her fists clenched in my hair and her hips rocked softly against me. As my pace grew quicker, she breathed my name, pleading with me to meet her face to face. My mouth found hers again, hungry, and I slid into her with a groan. My heaving became her name followed by a string of Russian I was hardly conscious of uttering.

I hadn't known how much I needed this, how much I wanted this. It overwhelmed me, how different sex was with her, the sheer intensity of loving the life of the person you were with. It wasn't just a physical sensation, it was telling her I love her without needing to say it, it was being as close to being complete with your other half as you could be. Now that I had it, had her, I didn't want to ever let go. When I told her I wanted a life with her, I'd meant it. I wanted to be tied to her in every way. I didn't know what I'd done to deserve her, but I thanked God I'd done it.

When we'd both finished, we lay tangled up in one another, our kisses no longer hungry but full of love. Finally, I laid on my back and she laid her head on my chest, the rest of her pressed right up against me. Her fingers trailed circles on my abdomen. I bathed in the feeling of her skin on mine. With one hand, I ran my fingers through her hair.

"I love you, Roza," I reminded her softly.

"I love you, Dimka."

I smiled, though she couldn't see it. "You never call me that."

"Do you like it?" she asked, uncharacteristically shy.

"I love it," I assured her, kissing her on the top of her head.


	18. Chapter 18

**I'm back! Sorry it took so long...again. School is out now so I will have more time to write :) Here's a short chapter for now. Oh, this one is rated MA for lemons.**

The drive to the house Abe had arranged for us was full of warmth and conversation, broken ever so often by bouts of comfortable silence. About halfway through the drive, Rose fell asleep in the car. I let my eyes off the road to look at her when she didn't respond to my question (Are you hungry?). She was reclined in the seat laying part of the way on her side facing me. She was curled up like a cat in the sun, the light bringing out faint highlights in her hair.

When we pulled off of the highway onto a poorly paved and barely visible in the dark road, Rose was awake and fine. When that pavement eventually ran into a dirt road, she groaned. This was remote, just as Abe had promised. I chucked at her familiar reaction.

There was no driveway; I drove through the lawn of dead grass to park beside the house. It was a small farm house, one floor, with a large front porch speckled with peeling white paint. Oddly, the door we'd come through-on the front of the house-opened into a large bedroom. I saw Rose glance at the bed and the site of it warmed my blood at the thought of laying with her again. I hoped this was the only one in the house.

I sat down the few grocery bags of belongings we had brought with us and followed Rose through the house. The kitchen was painted red and a trim of apples ran through the middle of the wall. A small table with two chairs sat on the far wall next to the door of the bathroom. Beyond the kitchen there was a living room with minimal furniture. At the far side of the living room was another door leading outside, and off to the side of that...another bedroom.

It was dark outside and she was exhausted like me, despite her nap. I hesitated, not sure where she'd want to sleep. We hadn't talked about last night, but her warmth toward me suggested that she didn't regret it. She looked at me almost shyly, mumbled something about the bathroom, and left the room. Was she waiting to see what I wanted?

When she came out of the bathroom, I called her name and came to stand in front of her. Hesitantly, I placed my hands on her arms, gently pulled her to me, and leaned down to kiss her. She melted into me and I slid my hands down her body to rest on her hips, holding her close. The kiss was slow but intense, deep but not desperate. I pulled back from her just enough to make eye contact and ask her if she would like to sleep with me. She smiled and took my hand to lead me into the first bedroom.

We fell asleep to the sound of crickets.

When I woke up, Rose was snuggled up against my chest and I could feel her soft breath tickle my bare skin. Her hair was covering most of her face, and I risked waking her by gently pushing it away and resting my arm around her. She didn't wake but she pressed closer to me so that I could feel more of her than before. I was completely at peace, and she looked how I felt. We lay like that for awhile and I was starting to fall asleep again when she stirred, tilting her head up to look at my face.

"Sleeping Beauty awakens," I joked.

She smiled. "Good morning."

I shifted down the bed slightly so that we were eye level and I reached out to stroke her cheek before placing a light kiss on her forehead.

"What would you like for breakfast?"

"You?" she teased.

I outright laughed. "Well, if that's what you want..." I trailed off as she kissed me and pushed me on my back, her body rolling with mine until she straddled me.

My hands trailed up her thighs, her hips, her sides, and back down to her hips where I held her in place as I slowly grinded against her, our underwear, the only thing we'd bothered to put back on last night, was just thin fabric between us that I couldn't be bothered to remove. The convenient opening at the front of boxers allowed me to be free to get out and when I was, I pulled her panties to the side and lifted my hips into hers, enough to feel her wetness, not enough to be inside her. She half moaned, half whimpered at my teasing and I pulled her down toward me so I could give her breasts the attention they deserved. While I sucked on one, I squeezed the nipple of the other, and on her next moan I grew tired of teasing myself and slid into her with something akin to a groan or a growl.

She rocked her hips into me and we fell into a rhythm and now it was her tongue I had in my mouth. Gripping her sides, I rolled her over so that I was on top of her and picked up the pace. She moaned my name in between pants for air and I responded in kind, telling her I adored her, in Russian. As my thrusts became focused and desperate, I felt her tightening around me. Her moans were of a higher pitch and the combination of the two had me spilling inside her. I rocked slowly against her, the two of us riding the little aftershocks of an orgasm. When it was over, I stayed inside her as long as was possible, placing kisses on her forehead, her cheek, her mouth, her neck.

"Shower?" she asked when I moved off of her to lay on my back. I just smiled and got to the floor, reaching my hand out for her to take.


	19. Chapter 19

ROSE POV

The past two days were something like a dream. When I thought of making love with Dimitri, falling asleep in his arms, my heart raced out from under me. Dimitri was cooking breakfast, enveloping the kitchen in the smell of bacon. I sat at the tiny table, watching the muscles in his back move slightly with the effort, and felt the strong urge to wrap myself around him and kiss them. So I did and was rewarded with a soft laugh and the sound of my name in his soft accent. It was broken by the ringing of my cell phone. I groaned, slightly irritated at being pulled away from Dimitri, and glanced at the phone. "Old Man" appeared on the screen. I let it ring.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Dimitri asked, glancing over his shoulder at me after turning over the last of the bacon. The look on my face made him frown and lay the tongs on the counter. He turned to face me and grasped my hands, waiting.

"It was Abe."

He raised an eyebrow, a silent question of why I seemed upset by the call.

I glanced down at our hands, taking in the feeling of his rough, calloused hands on mine that even now caused a tingle in my hands and a warmth in my chest. He must have sensed that a lengthy explanation awaited him as he released once of my hands and used his free hand to turn off the stove.

When he turned back to face me, I sighed and began, "They knew Abe was there, the Strigoi. They had Nathan take me to him. And remember that picture I found at the Institute? He was in the Circle."

"He helped us escape," he pointed out.

"The Strigoi said that Alex was working for shadowhunters, but that they weren't the Clave. That's got to be the Circle, Dimitri."

"I think we should let him explain."

Trust it to Dimitri to be so calm and rational.

I stared at him for a minute, then sighed and, giving up, reached for the phone. He smiled and I stuck my tongue out at him.

After several rings, Abe answered just as I was getting ready to hang up. "Ah, Rose!" he said cheerfully.

"Hi." I'd agreed to talk to him; I hadn't agreed to be friendly.

"I'm coming over this evening. We have much to discuss." We were off our vampire timetable and on human time, so evening literally meant evening.

"Ok..."

And he hung up the phone.

"Couldn't have just sent that in a text, Old Man?" I huffed at the blank screen.

"Well?" Dimitri asked, tilting his head slightly to catch my eyes.

"Zmey is coming over later. If he thinks I'm cooking for him, he's off his rocker." I hoped I'd make it clear just how irritated I was at the thought.

Dimitri just shook his head, holding back a small smile.

...

At about a quarter 'til seven, my stomach rumbled and I tapped my fingers on the little table in the kitchen impatiently. He was supposed to be here an hour ago, and although I'm not the most punctual person, it was another thing on my growing list of reasons he was irritating me. I was hungry, and if I'd known he was going to be this late, I wouldn't have let him- or asked him- to bring food. When I complained about Abe's timing to Dimitri, he said only, "Like father, like daughter" to which I grumbled, "It's like father, like son, Comrade," and he rolled his eyes.

When he arrived, he didn't bother to knock- he had a key-instead letting himself in. He left his shoes at the door and came into the kitchen carrying a box of pizza and wearing-

"A Hawaiian shirt. Really?" I said, deadpan.

He shrugged. "When in Rome," and enthusiastically dropped the pizza on the table.

"You're not in Rome."

"It's an expression, Daughter."

"Duh. You're not exactly in a touristy area like the beach. We're in the middle of a corn field."

"I have not been in the middle of a corn field all day." He turned to Dimitri who had stood to greet him when he came into the room. I had stayed sitting. "Has she been like this all day?"

I glared at Dimitri, daring him to say so. He shrugged and walked across the small kitchen to grab three plates. I made a small noise of triumph.

Without preamble, Abe began, "I've discovered the identity of the witch who created the portal to the queen's room."

He would have continued, had I not interrupted him. "How did you know about that?" I asked, then quickly dismissing my question with a wave of my hand and a "Nevermind." After all, what didn't he know?

"The warlock who made the portal was hired by the Clave."

A wave of shock hit me and I was nearly speechless. "What?"

"I said-"

"Yea. I heard what you said. Where did you find that information?"

"Did you think I would answer that question?" he asked, raising an eyebrow-add that to the list.

"You have too many secrets, Old Man." I looked at him darkly, "I don't believe you."

"Valentine."

Dimitri, who had been silent for our snippy exchange, replied, "He isn't exactly a reliable source when it comes to matters of the Clave."

Abe was resolute. "His followers are absolute. He has no reason to spread lies."

"They clearly aren't, unless you're about to betray your own daughter," I chimed in.

"Are you questioning my loyalty?" he asked, spitefully amused. That his voice switched back and forth between nonchalance and amusement was making my heart race, in a dangerous way.

"Your loyalty to whom?" I shot up from my chair.

"Rose-" Dimitri began.

"Uh uh. No. I want answers, or I'm leaving." My hands smacked palms down on the table as I stared Abe down.

Abe's face was mostly unreadable, though he almost seemed tired, staring back at me. I spared a thought for the these two men in my life with unreadable faces. Abe didn't seem like the dangerous man he was, whereas Dimitri did. There was a time when Dimitri's influence over others could have been seen as exactly like Abe's. They both had seemed to be some kind of a mob boss type. But that was Dimitri as a Strigoi. I shuddered at the thought of comparing Abe-my father-to the terror I had known in Siberia. No, I most certainly should not trust him, I determined.

Without a word, Abe stood up and left the room.

"Where are you going?" I called out, angrily.

He didn't respond. Dimitri looked at me, trying to gauge my reaction. I huffed and sat back down dramatically and the tension in his shoulders I hadn't noticed before then eased. His hand found mine under the table and we waited in silence. When Abe returned, he handed me a small, worn, leather bound journal.

"What is this?" I asked.

"Reading material for you. I need to leave." And he did.


	20. Chapter 20

_*****Most of the following was written by Cassandra Clare. It has been adapted to fit this context. The italics are the words in the journal.** _

Dimitri watched me as I stared at the journal in my hands. "Are you going to open it?" he asked finally.

"After we eat," I said, tossing it on the table and beginning to stand.

Dimitri was up before I was and resting a hand on my shoulder, he said, "Sit. I'll get it."

...

The journal began, _I couldn't bear to write this before. I was afraid Valentine might find it. If something happens to me, let this be a record._

 _My mother was with me when the baby was born. She handed me my son, and at first I knew only that he fit perfectly into my arms, that the blanket wrapping him was soft, and that he was so small and delicate, with just a wisp of fair hair on the top of his head. And then he opened his eyes. Horror washed over me. It was like being bathed in acid-my skin seemed to burn off my bones, and it was all I could do not to drop the baby and begin screaming._

"What the hell?" I hadn't realized I'd spoken aloud until Dimitri asked about my response. I waved him off and continued reading.

 _They say every mother knows her child instinctively. I suppose the opposite is true as well. Every nerve in my body was crying out that this was not my baby, that it was something horrible and unnatural, as inhuman as a parasite. How could my mother not see it? But she was smiling at me as if nothing were wrong. "His name is Jonathan," he told me. I looked up and saw Valentine regarding the scene before him with a look of pleasure. The baby opened his eyes again, as if recognizing the sound of his name. His eyes were black, black as night, fathomless as tunnels dug into his skull. There was nothing human in them at all. Valentine told me I was sick. He couldn't understand what was wrong with me. And I knew he was right. I was a monster, a mother who couldn't stand her own child. I thought about killing myself. I might have done it too..._

I didn't understand what this had to do with me. Why did he give me this disturbing shit?

 _I was woken by the sound of a baby crying. I sat bolt upright, alone in the bedroom. Valentine was out at a Circle meeting, so I had no one to share my amazement with. Jonathan, you see, never cried-never made a noise. His silence was one of the things that most upset me about him. I dashed down the hall to his room, but he was sleeping silently. Still I could hear a baby crying, I was sure of it. I raced down the stairs, following the sound of the crying. It seemed to be coming from inside the empty wine cellar, but the door was locked, the cellar never used. But I had grown up in the manor. I knew where my father hid the key._

 _Have you ever heard the story of Bluebeard's wife? The husband told his wife never to look in the locked room, and she looked, and she found the remains of all the wives he had murdered before her, displayed like butterflies in a glass case. I had no idea when I unlocked that door what I would find inside. The smell-oh, the smell down there, like blood and death and rot. Valentine had hollowed out a place under the ground, in what had once been the wine cellar. It wasn't a child I had heard crying, after all. There were cells down there now, with things imprisoned in them. Demon-creatures, bound with electrum chains, writhed and flopped and gurgled in their cells, but there was more, much more-the bodies of Downworlders, in different stages of death and dying. There were werewolves, their bodies half-dissolved by silver powder. Vampires-Strigoi and Moroi- held head-down in holy water until their skin peeled off the bones._

I felt sick. It must have showed because Dimitri put his arm around me and smoothed my hair behind my ear.

 _Faeries whose skin had been pierced with cold iron. I didn't think of him as a torturer. Not really. He seemed to be pursuing an almost scientific end. There were ledgers of notes by each cell door, meticulous recordings of his experiments, how long it had taken each creature to die. It was hard to read what he had written without wanting to faint, or throw up._

I'm with you there, girl.

 _There was one page devoted to experiments he had done on himself. He had read somewhere that the blood of demons might act as an amplifier of the powers Shadowhunters are naturally born with. He had tried injecting himself with the blood, to no end. Nothing had happened except that he had made himself sick. Eventually he came to the conclusion that he was too old for the blood to affect him, that it must be given to a child to take full effect-preferably one as yet unborn. Across from that page, I saw a series of notes headed with my name. Jocelyn Morgenstern._

 _He wrote, "Jocelyn drank the mixture again tonight. No visible changes in her, but again it is the child that concerns me...With regular infusions of demonic ichor such as I have been giving her, the child may be capable of any feats...Last night I heard the child's heart beat, more strongly than any human heart, the sound like a mighty bell, tolling the beginning of a new generation of Shadowhunters, the blood of angels and demons mixed to produce powers beyond any previously imagined possible...No longer will the power of Downworlders be the greatest on this earth..."_

 _He had turned my child into some kind of half-demon thing._

 _And that wasn't even all I read._

 _He'd somehow gotten hold of angel blood. Drinking it is supposed to give you incredible strength. When he found out Janine was pregnant,_

Janine, my mother? No.

 _he saw the opportunity to try another experiment. This baby-Rose-would already be half Moroi, half Shadowhunter, so in a way, she has that mixture of demon and angel, like Jonathan. He's been giving Janine angel blood in that elixir he said was for morning sickness. Although it's risky, I have to tell her. She has to stop drinking it or leave altogether. I don't know if I can trust Abe._

My heart was racing and Dimitri, concerned, squeezed me to him. I skipped through a few pages.

 _I invited Janine out for a girls' day. Valentine is still pretending to be okay with her. I guess since she fights Strigoi, he can almost make himself see her as human. Although Valentine would be out all day, I was too afraid to take the journal to show her proof, but luckily, she believe me-or believed enough in the possibility to agree to leave. She's leaving Abe and isn't telling him where she's going. Despite being close to Valentine, I really do think he loves her. But it's for the best. Hopefully it's not too late for the baby._

I sat still, too sick to move. _Was this why I was such a good guardian? What happened to the other babies?_

"Roza?" Dimitri asked softly, tilting his head to try to catch my eye, "What does it say?"

When I didn't respond, he reached out and clasped my hand, still curled up on the closed journal, and I turned into him.


	21. Fun Russia Fact

In a book about Stalingrad, I learned that according Russian superstition, if your memorial service is held when you're still alive, you will not go to an early grave. In the context of VA, Dimitri's memorial service was held when he was technically still alive, so this could have been foreshadowing that Rose would not succeed in killing him. I wonder if Richelle knew this...

Anyway, just thought I'd share while you wait for another chapter!


	22. Chapter 21

We sat like that for a short while, my face buried in Dimitri's chest, reveling in the scent, his arm around me, his other arm stroking my hair, his chin resting gently on top of my head. I hadn't said another word, and he wasn't pushing it. I wasn't sure how to feel. I was just glad he was there.

"Let's go lie down," he finally said, leading me into our new bedroom. I snuggled under the old patchwork quilt for comfort and lay facing him as he watched me with concern. I figured it was time to talk.

"That book Abe gave me," I began unnecessarily- what else would I be talking about-"it was Jocelyn Morgenstern's journal. Valentine's wife."

Dimitri's eyes furrowed but he said nothing, waiting for me to continue.

"She said Valentine was running experiments on downworlders, even Moroi, and himself, and his own child, and...me." At the mention of myself, his eyebrows raised and he spoke, "You? What kind of experiment?"

Ignoring his question, I continued, " Jocelyn found out about it and told her. She left Abe before I was born, and it sounded like she didn't tell him what was going on."

I hadn't answered his question, but he was patient. "What was he giving your mother?"

My heart started to race again. "Angel blood. Pretending it was something for morning sickness."

His eyes widened. I started rambling. "I mean, I guess it could be worse. He gave his own son demon blood to make him stronger. Jocelyn said she didn't recognize her own child, that he terrified her. Maybe my mother couldn't stand to be around me, either. She knew what he'd done. Maybe that's why she abandoned me to the Academy-"

"Roza..." Dimitri reached out to stroke my hair.

"What if that's the only reason I'm such a good guardian? What if I don't deserve this?"

"The only reason? Rose-"

"Yea well that and my awesome mentor," I added quickly, cutting him off in fear I had offended him.

"You're an amazing guardian because you work hard. You're dedicated. You're the most determined guardian I've met."

I sighed. "What am I supposed to do with this information? Why would he give me that? Did he just want me to feel like shit?"

He considered that for a moment. "I don't know. When he handed it to you, I thought it must be an explanation of Valentine's knowledge of the Clave's involvement in the murder, or his involvement with Valentine. I thought it would be relevant to your argument, something to answer your questions."

"Instead, he's given me more...maybe I'll read more of it tomorrow."

Dimitri moved closer to me and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. He rested his face on my pillow, a mere few inches from mine, and wrapped his arm around me. His proximity and warmth like a warm compress, I felt my tensed muscles relax. As I stared at Dimitri, my heart sped up, clearing preparing for what my mind wanted to do. But I hesitated. I'm some kind of freak-an experiment. _Does he feel differently about me now?_

Sensing a change, Dimitri propped himself up with an elbow and looked down at me. "Rose?"

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Dimitri, who always seemed to know when I was lying, pursed his lips, raised an eyebrow, and looked at me with disbelief.

Fine. "I feel like a freak."

"You're not a freak."

"How can you-"

Dimitri gently but firmly cut me off, "You're the same person. You didn't just sprout wings or grow horns. You're still Rose." A heartbeat later, brushing my hair behind my ear, he added, " **Я всегда буду любить тебя, моя звезда."**

Despite being on the run, Dimitri had more often than not been in a good mood lately and had taken to tossing around some Russian. While he still wasn't teaching me swear words, he would translate his sweet nothings when asked. I recognized the words "I love you," but the rest...

I must have looked puzzled because he smiled and translated it for me, "I will always love you, my star."

I laughed. "My star?"

"Get used to it. It's perfect for you," he teased, pulling me to him with a grin.

My lips met his playfully.

...

The next morning, Dimitri had cooked breakfast while I slept in, and I woke to the smell of bacon and the sound of his softly accented voice.

When we had finished eating, I looked up from my plate. "Dimitri, I was thinking."  
He raised an eyebrow. "Do you do that often?"  
I rolled my eyes. "Very funny, Comrade. I was thinking of ways we could go back." Although we lived under constant threat, were away from friends, and couldn't perform our guardian duties, part of me was okay with being stuck in the middle of nowhere. It killed me to be this useless, inactive, but there were worse places to be than alone with Dimitri. Part of me enjoyed it here, if only just for that fact. "If we had proof of what Abe said, about the Clave hiring the warlock to break into the queen's room, assuming it's even true, we could blackmail the Clave."

Dimitri was silent for a moment. "You want to blackmail the government? That's a dangerous game, Rose."

What wasn't dangerous nowadays? "But think-we could clear my name _and_ keep the Clave from making you a test subject."

Dimitri was still hesitant. "I don't know, Rose. Even if we could prove that the Clave hired the warlock, we don't know who actually killed the queen."

I sighed. "We'd better figure it out soon. Lissa needs me. She's about to take her final test to become queen. We also don't know WHY the Clave would want Tatiana dead. If Lissa becomes queen, she could be their next target."

He smiled a little, knowing I hated being cooped up, knowing that I missed my friend, knowing that I needed to be doing something important. "I don't think so. It would be easier for them to kill her during her trials, make it look like an accident. It would be easy to do, especially if they've enlisted the help of a warlock."

"Well that makes me feel better. Thanks, Comrade." I thought about it for a few minutes. "Do you think...do you think they _want_ Lissa to become queen?"

"It's possible. Lissa believes Moroi should be helping to fight Strigoi. If the rumors are true, shadowhunter numbers have been declining for years. They could be excited at the idea of someone fighting their battles for them."

A few moments of silence pass.

"Oh. Oh! You know who else really wanted that to happen?" I looked right into Dimitri's eyes, our thoughts turning in the same direction as we said simultaneously, "Tasha."


End file.
